The Art of Acknowledgement

One of my clients said of her boss, “Just once, I’d like to hear her tell me what’s good about my work, instead of pointing out everything I didn’t do.” rnSound familiar? Which brain cell warped making it so much easier to notice – and talk about – the bad stuff, while ignoring all the good that surrounds us? The fascinating thing about my client’s comment is that her boss has told me she thinks this person’s work is great! rnSo why do I know this – and the person involved doesn’t?rnWelcome to the art of acknowledgment. Like much art in our society, this art is at high risk of not being taught, practiced, and valued in our criticize-’em-now culture. That has to change.rnAcknowledgment is one of the secret ingredients to motivating human behavior. I think its lack is one reason our workplaces and lives become lackluster. Since we need everything we do to shine more than ever, it’s time to relearn this simple skill.rnHere are three ideas how you can fill your canvas at work and home with the art of acknowledgment:rn1. Paint the Picture of What You See. rnSometimes we struggle to acknowledge others because the work isn’t done, or wasn’t successful. We tell ourselves we don’t want to reinforce effort – we want results!rnPflooey. It’s the effort that gets results. Painting the picture for someone else of the steps you are seeing them take toward a goal can be very powerful and affirming – even if the goal hasn’t been met yet. rnI often say that in our jobs we make it look easy to the outside world. If you are savvy enough to notice the good things others are doing in their jobs, then tell them you noticed! Your observations and point of view are just yours, and as such, they’re always valid. rnHere’s an example; “Hey Tom, I noticed you spent extra time with the new hire as we started on our project. That was really smart – nobody else thought of that. I’m sure it was helpful to him, too, and I just wanted you to know I noticed.”rnWhat do you see someone else doing that could be acknowledged? Paint the picture for them. 2. Create a Space for Appreciation. rnContrary to what the wrinkle-cream ads want us to think, time is actually our friend. We all are given the same amount each day, and we have the ability to choose what we do with it!rnAn easy choice is to create a space in your next meeting, conversation, or interaction to recognize someone, to express appreciation, or to acknowledge a kindness. rnThink you don’t have enough time to create space for appreciation? Well, how long does it take to say: • “Before we launch into today’s agenda, I wanted to thank the IT team for all they did to help us move ahead. . .” • “Honey, before we review the household budget, I just want to say how proud I am of us that we’ve been able to reduce our credit card debt so much this year. Yea us!”rn3. Just Say Thank You (Really). rnFor some people, the words “thank you” have become a little like “have a nice day” – empty of any true meaning or sincerity. In fact, one client told me that when his boss said “thank you,” he means “you can go now.” Ouch.rnThat doesn’t have to be you. You can try a different tack. The next time you are ready to say “thank you” to someone, look him or her in the eyes and say the words “Thank you.” Then, while still looking at them, say to yourself, “Really.” Really.rnWhy does this work? The pause it takes you to think “really” creates a beat, a moment. That moment keeps you present and aware of what you are expressing. It also creates a moment for the thanked person to soak it in – and believe what you say. rnOf course, if you really want your words to count, make them more permanent and jot a note. The thank-you note is not passé! Buy an inexpensive set of note cards at your local drugstore and take 90 seconds to write to someone you appreciate – even if you see them every day. Unlike email, physical notes still get read, saved, and remembered. After all, like acknowledgment itself, it’s an art.