The Best Relationship Tip Ever

What do you do when your partner starts to change and he or she is no longer the one you were initially attracted to? How can someone so right became so wrong after a while? What changed? Whose fault is it? The answer is not as complicated as you think. There is never anything wrong with the person we are with; only our perception of them may be faulty. This may seem like a mouthful. Let me walk you through the basic relationship syndrome. 1) The changing game When you start dating someone, everything is rosy and exciting. With time, you start to notice that your partner has some “flaws”, that he or she is starting to act differently, or that he or she is no longer meeting your needs. The first instinct is to think that your partner has changed and that this is no longer the person you first met. This thinking gives you permission to complain about your partner. As you play the changing game, or blaming game if you prefer, you begin to give yourself reasons for breaking up or growing apart. Even if you breakup with Mr. or Mrs. Right, who is now Mr. or Mrs. Wrong, the cycle repeats with the next partner on your path. We are left pondering why people change on us all the time? What happened to the sweet person we once met? We have all been there in one way or another. But it’s not as hopeless as it seems. 2) The broken mirror Don’t be shocked when I say that the problem is not with the other person. Your partner is still the same person you fell in love with, perfect in every way. When we first meet someone, we often project unconscious parts of our self onto that person. We project certain ideals that we carry within us of what our perfect partner would be like. This process creates a mirror effect. Because of this mirroring, most often we are not seeing the real person as he or she truly is. What we see is a mirror of our own self, unconscious parts of our mind reflected back to us. As the old saying goes, “we see what we want to see”. But for most of us, eventually the mirror breaks and we stop seeing our projected ideals. When this happens we become disillusioned with the other person and the relationship. At this point, you have the choice to see the real person you are with. 3) The flawless partner As I said before, your partner is still the same person you fell in love with in the deeper sense. Your partner is as innocent, perfect, radiant, luminescent, and lovable as you are. Nothing about your partner has really changed, only your perception of your partner has changed. If you can look beyond the circumstances, you can tune into the perfection of the other person. It’s important to remember that just as you are perfect in every way, so is the person you are with. The bottom line is: The only thing in the way of you seeing your partner as perfect is the idea you hold that your partner should be something else or should act differently. When you release the idea that your partner must act in a certain way, you love your partner for what he or she truly is. My husband and I made a vow when we got married to always see each other as perfect. We even engraved a perfection motto inside our wedding rings. Whenever one of us is seeing the other as less than perfect, we remind each other of our vows. This flawless partner concept has been immensely valuable for our marriage. When we see the other person as perfect, that person becomes perfect in our eyes and in their eyes. This recognition is extremely powerful and transformational. It can provide a great deal of healing and comfort. Remember that your happiness is your choice. It's that simple! I understand that this may be challenging for some people in certain circumstances, such as verbally or physically abusive relationships. Therefore, stay tuned for my next post where I’ll explore how this concept of perfect relationship works when there are especially challenging situations. With you always in my heart,rnAndrea