The Importance Of Good Manners

What on Earth happened to good manners? Somebody, please enlighten me, because I really want to know. Our aikido instructor is constantly frustrated, because people don't bother to call or send an e-mail when they are not going to be in class. He is a very reasonable man and would never torment a student for not making it to class due to a work conflict or illness. All he asks is that we call and let him know. Aside from the fact that the presence of each individual student impacts the dynamic of the class and sometimes requires class plan adjustments, sensei just wants to know that everyone is ok. Is that so much to ask? All it takes is a minute to make a phone call or send an e-mail... Well, that and that ounce of consideration some people apparently lack.

One of my business partners constantly asks me for help with a tool I have been helping her to simplify. I have no problem with that - this tool was seriously screwed up, people didn't want to use it, so we have been trying to untangle this mess and improve adoption. What I do have a problem with is scheduling a meeting with her several days in advance only to call her and discover she is on another call. Ok, some calls run late, when you have back-to-back meetings - I understand that. This particular individual, however, has a habit of starting another conversation 5-10 minutes before our meeting and not ending it until 10-15 minutes into our meeting. When I ping her on Microsoft Communicator to find out whether she is still available, she comes back with, "Oops, sorry, just got on the phone with someone else." Thanks, that's great, I feel really appreciated now for the time I spend with you trying to help you improve your tool.

One of my former bosses had a really "flexible" schedule - not only in terms of the hours he worked, but also in terms of who he was willing to "flex" his schedule for. He was notorious for being late (or not showing up at all) for meetings with his subordinates and his peers. However, he was perfectly prompt for meetings with his superiors. In fact, he was known to cancel meetings with "lower ranks" in order to fulfill a last-minute meeting request with some big shot. I was his administrative assistant at the time, and you can imagine the time I had calling people and explaining to them why he couldn't meet with them (on time or at all).

I worked my way up to a change analyst under the same boss, but eventually the great team we had was dissolved and some of us were "lucky" to end up with a new group he was leading. I didn't jive with people there very well and felt underutilized, so I quit. My boss scheduled an "exit interview" with me. It was going to be his last meeting with me, so you would think he'd want to send me off into a new group with a good memory. No such luck. 10 minutes into our conversation his phone rang, and it was one of the big shots. He spent 20 minutes on the phone with someone important, with me still in his office (sorely tempted to just get up and walk out and feeling like a piece of gum stuck to the sole of his shoe). When he finally hung up, he continued where we left off - which was expressing his extreme surprise that I was leaving that group.

I miss good manners! I miss the time when calling cards were used to let someone know you want to see them, and apologies were written when you couldn't make your appointment. I miss the time when failing to pay attention to your companion could make you a social outcast. Call me old-fashioned and overly sentimental, but I do miss these things.

I was taking a large package of Christmas presents for my friend and her family to the post office the other day. A group of kids and teachers from the local elementary school were there just wrapping up an excursion (I think it's useful for children to know what happens after you place a letter in a mail box). The kids were just filing out of the doors and I stood there patiently with my enormous box, waiting for them to pass. I could have used the other half of the door, but I would need to push it with my shoulder or my hip and I was afraid that one of the children might be in front of the door, just when I couldn't see him or her. Suddenly, a little doll with blonde pigtails and dressed in a red Christmas dress with furry collar and cuffs grabbed the big heavy door and swung it open for me. I was so surprised I almost dropped my box right on top of the kid. I went through, said thank you, and the little one actually CURTSIED and said "You're welcome," and ran off to catch up with her group. That caused me to almost drop the box the second time. I wanted to adopt that kid right there and then, except I wouldn't have had the heart to take her away from the parents who brought her up so well. I also wished I had a video camera to capture that moment and then send a copy to every rude inconsiderate person I have ever met. Do you think it would have helped?