The Love Within

Renee L Richardson, M.Ed.
Knowing the "Love" Within:
1/6/2017

So many times, we find ourselves sitting on the wayside of love, extremely disappointed, hurt and totally exhausted; simply because we failed to receive the love of which we have given. Were our expectations too high? Did we fully communicate what we expected? or did we create a cloud of fantasy-filled chocolate covered unrealistic, ill-communicated ulterior motives all neatly packaged within the boxes of our minds? Did we expect for our counterparts to somewhat automatically know what we wanted from our romantic union? Or were we even clear on what we in fact wanted/expected from our other halves? Do we truly "Know the Love Within"? or do we blindly step into a relationship in search of someone to rescue us from that of which we never truly received or developed as children? That initial union with our parents during childhood is detrimental to how we define, perceive and over stand love..

As a child, I was extremely needy of love and acceptance and found myself engulfed in encounters of which afforded me the opportunities of proving myself as worthy. I guess because my mother had Bipolar disorder and had to be hospitalized often, my attachment bond was interrupted thereby causing me to feel unstable when in close relationships with others. Further, although there was an instability, there was also a hidden blame of which I placed upon myself in that I felt that the lack of bonding time between my mother and I was somehow my fault and it set me on a journey to prove that I was in fact worthy of being loved and accepted. That very moment in your childhood that influenced your definition of love is somewhat responsible for how you love and who you choose to love in your adult life. If you allow yourself, you can think back to the experiences of which taught you what to do and what to tolerate within your definition of love and that in fact can be what is driving your current encounters with "love".

Suggestions: Being aware of the root of what your definition of love is founded upon can work wonders when attempting to keep your feelings and behaviors in proper perspective. When we are aware of what is driving or feeding our ill perceptions/behaviors we are more equipped to develop and foster approaches to wellness. However, there are times when we might need a more neutral party to assist us due to our being somewhat bias on what we are perceiving. In such times, we can either seek the help of a professional or reach out to that one family member or friend who is able to be completely honest with us. Overall, knowing the love within is extremely imperative in regard to our ever being able to have an effective intimate relationship with first ourselves and then the possibility of developing such with another individual.