The Roots of Self Esteem

Self Esteem is more than feeling good about yourself. It's having self confidence and self respect. You can feel confident in doing a particular thing, but unworthy to receive the benefits of your success. The opposite is also true. You can feel worthy and deserving of success and / or wealth, but have no confidence in your ability to obtain it. Self confidence itself is more than just feeling able to perform some job, function or act. It's a more universal belief in your ability to function well in most aspects of life and society. To be able to earn a living, keep your body and living quarters clean, to overcome almost any challenge that life throws at you. Many people feel self confident in one aspect of their life but totally lack that confidence in other basic areas. For example: the highly respected engineer who never socializes because she is afraid of making a mistake or the father who stays at work instead of coming home to his family because he doesn't know how to interact with children. Self respect is different but just as important as self confidence. It is feeling you are of value. Believing you have a right or worthiness to love, success, happiness. Of deserving to have your needs and desires met. It does NOT mean you feel your rights or desires take precedent over others, but that others needs don't take precedent over yours. You regard it as normal and appropriate that your needs and wants be met. If you don't respect yourself you often allow your own desires to be overridden by others. You probably follow the saying "Go along to get along" far too often. For a long time I couldn't even tell friends or family that I'd rather go to Burger King than McDonalds. But while you accept your rights, you also accept your responsibilities. You regard it as appropriate and normal for you to be accountable for your actions. You are willing to take the blame for your own mistakes. This does NOT imply that you take the blame for others too. Rights and responsibilities go hand in hand. A person with self confidence but not self respect could dine at a 5 star restaurant, order the right wine and so forth. Then not be able to complain when the dish wasn't done right or the service was poor. This same person could make incredible business deals and hate themselves. How many celebrities commit suicide? A person with self respect but not self confidence can insist on good service in a cheap diner, but not put forth the effort to learn what they need to be able to afford that 5 star restaurant. This same person could insist on his rights to a job, but be afraid of not being able to perform it. So you see how both self respect and self confidence are necessary for good self esteem. Read more about Self Esteem, Self Confidence and Self Respect including how to build them up at Thoughtful-self-improvement.com.