The Greatest Motivator Isn't What You Think -- or, What I Learned From Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler on Valentine's Day

&copy 2004 Joe Vitale. All rights reserved.

It's Valentine's Day as I write this. Nerissa and I just returnedfrom watching the new movie, "50 First Dates," starting thebeautiful Drew Barrymore and the funny Adam Sandler. Besidesbeing a hilarious movie in a beautiful setting with a heartfeltmessage of true love, it also caused me to have an "a-ha" rightin the middle of it.

Somewhere around half way through the movie, as Adam is againreminding short-term memory loss victim Drew that he loves her, Isuddenly realized the power of the greatest motivator of all time.

But let me first set the stage.

Most psychologists, direct marketers, and anyone who persuadesfor a living will tell you there are only two basic motivators:Pain or Pleasure. You either go toward what you want or away fromwhat you don't want.

The standard argument is that pain is more powerful. I've tendedto agree, but also stated I would not focus on pain foridealistic reasons. I simply don't want to spread pain in theworld. Focusing on it causes you to feel it. I don't want tocontribute to the misery many feel. So my stance has been tofocus on pleasure as a motivator in my sales letters and websites.

Most marketing experts agree that pain is the best trigger tofocus on in any ad or sales campaign.

They love to find a prospect's basic problem, and then rub thei
oses in it. They figure the pain would make the person buy orchange.

The most common example they give is the insurance salesman whotries to sell you home coverage. If he focuses on pleasure, youwill put off buying. If he tells you your house is on fire, youwill buy. Pain causes immediate action.

So, like everyone else, I "knew" pain was the greater motivator.I simply focused on pleasure because it is a more noble route.

But then I saw Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler in their new movieand suddenly I felt awakened, energized, and validated.

Here's the film's plot in a nutshell:

Adam is in love with a woman who can't remember anything from theday before, due to a head injury in an auto accident the yearbefore. Every day is a new day. And every day Adam has to win herover again.

Every date is new. Hence the title, "50 First Dates."

At one point in it, as Adam was again wooing Drew, I suddenlyrealized what I was really seeing.

I saw pleasure was the greatest motivator of all.

Adam was pursuing Drew every day, despite the pain and the odds,because of his growing love for her. He was going after pleasure.The pleasure goal was so powerful it erased every pain he mightexperience.

In short, all the marketing experts who say pain is the greatestmotivator have forgotten the power of our driving force in life:Love.

People will scale mountains with luggage on their backs, swimupstream in a hurricane, and battle armies and all odds in orderto fulfill that hard-wired emotion in us to love and be loved.Love rules.

All the examples we were given were unfair. Someone trying tosell insurance and resorting to pain hasn't figured out the realpleasure button to make someone buy. They've been too lazy tosearch for the pleasure trigger. Focusing on pain was simply aneasy cop-out, a handy approach.

It's the same with all the massive ad campaigns that fail. Tryingto get someone to quit smoking or stop drugs because of the painthey depict in the ad is the wrong approach. If we suddenlyfocused on the pleasure someone would have when they stoppedsmoking or taking drugs, we'd be moving in the right direction.

This is so obvious to me after watching the movie.

Our goal as marketing and business people isn't to tell peoplewhat's wrong with them or to remind them of their pain, but tohelp them imagine and then experience the pleasure they long tohave.

It's noble, yes, *and* it works.

Love moves everyone.

Love is the great motivator.

Love is the great pleasure trigger.

According to my friend Kevin Hogan, author of "The Psychology ofPersuasion," love isn't an emotion but a mindset. And as amindset, it is actually stronger than any emotion.

In short, you're dealing with the most powerful motivator of alltime.

Reveal what there is to love about your product or service andyou'll give people authentic reasons to do business with you.Call it Love-Based Marketing. You won't sell everyone with it.You'll sell only those who are a match for your offer. That, inthe end, is all you want. Then you're happy and so are yourcustomers.

Just like Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler, you'll find a match towrite home about.

And you might make a little money along the way, to boot.