nDear Friends,nn It occurs to me that, just as the vitamins and minerals keep skin clear, cells alert, and body systems running smoothly, relationships need regular doses of hope, joy, love, compassion, courage, wisdom, faith - “spiritual nutrients” - to help keep them strong. nn For our bodies, we get vitamins from food, the sun, and supplements. How can we assure that our relationships are getting at least a minimum daily requirement of what they need to thrive? Healthy doses can be delivered through 12 simple, common-sense efforts (these are from my book, The Twelve Gifts in Marriage.)nn Look for what is good in each other. n Respect one another’s differences.n Make time each day for moments of play.n Everyday, be grateful for something.n Show that you care when you come and go.n Touch tenderly, speak kindly, and listen with attention.n Be quick to say “I’m sorry” as well as “I forgive.”n Choose to love even when you feel unloving. n Let sorrows bring you closer together.n Let troubles strengthen your commitment.n Renew your dreams.n And share your love with others.nn Simple? Yes; but not always easy. Let’s consider a few of them. nn Look for what is good in each other. This practice delivers doses of love and compassion. It’s fairly easy in the honeymoon stage but how do we do that when that stage is over and we begin to see things that annoy us? And that is bound to happen. Our spouse isn’t perfect. Nor are we. He leaves dirty socks on the floor. We don’t close drawers. These are mild irritants. There are sure to be others. Basically, it comes down to this: seek and you shall find. If we continue to look for what we admire in our spouse, we will see good qualities and good qualities will be reflected back to us. n n Like magnesium and calcium, the second practice is closely related to the first. Respect one another’s differences. Opposites attract. The more time we spend together, the more pronounced differences become. Eventually they cause conflict, which is inevitable. But, conflict can be a source of growth when we stay connected and respect differences. nn I recently failed to do this. My husband, Frank, had become deeply involved in politics. I told him I respected his wanting to make a difference, which I did. But at the same time, I frequently expressed disdain for politics when I saw it at its worst. I may not choose to get involved but I realized that I needed to respect his doing so. When I replaced judgment with respect and acceptance, our relationship strengthened. Differences can stimulate growth and help keep us in balance. Often when I get nervous about a challenge we are facing, my husband will say, “Let’s try to see this as an adventure.” When we are looking for what is good in each other and we likely to respect differences and benefit from them. nn Make time each day for moments of play. Marriages need joy! Laughter is good medicine for relationships as well as for bodies. When did you last laugh together? Did I hear you say, “Ha! How can we make time for play when we we’re not even having dinner together most nights?” Consider scheduling a date each week, even if it is just a movie and popcorn night at home. Hike, bowl, walk the dog, visit a museum, meet at a new place for coffee. Frank and I recently started “dating” again to bring more fun into our busy lives. Our first date was a trip to Florence. Not Florence, Italy; Florence, Arizona, a nearby community. Strolling around the quaint, historic town worked wonders, reconnecting us with the best of our past 36 years together. nn Playfulness is more likely to happen in the midst of our routines when we are practicing some or all of these. Sometimes my husband and I practice these very well. But there are times when, unfortunately, we don’t. One pitfall for us is that when things are going well, we tend to take our relationship for granted. We get caught up in the busyness of life and then our relationship suffers.nn Marriage therapist, and dear friend of mine, Diana Baysinger agrees that acting upon these 12 principles can keep healthy marriages strong and help hurting marriages heal. nn “The marriage relationship is like the growth and development of a human being,” she says. “It is an entity that grows and develops with time and life experience in the coupleship. It is fed or starved by the nutrition that each partner puts into it.” nnn Consider these 12 practices. Implement just one and see for yourself how hearts respond to even tiny gestures. nn For example, show that you care when you come and go. Make it a point to connect with your spouse when you part for work and other activities. It takes less than a minute to meet face-to-face, look into each others eyes, and say, “Have a good day.” nn Renew your dreams. Again and again. They can come true when they’re nourished with regular doses of imagination and faith. nn What do you think? I would love to hear from you! Please visit my websites
www.charlenecostanzo.com www.thetwelvegifts.com and
www.thetwelvegiftsforhealing.com nnWishing you all the best,nnCharlene Costanzon