Surviving Betrayal Requires a Leap of Faith!

I define a betrayal as any experience, even one that should be insignificant, that produces ongoing resentment, anger, fear and helplessness. Has someone you trusted deeply ever betrayed you? Have you betrayed someone you love? We may rage and punish ourselves and the other, or deny the pain, choosing to stay in the hurtful relationship. If we can't let go of the feelings we may need to hold a shield over the heart, fearing more hurt, thereby limiting emotional intimacy. This doesn't just affect the relationship, it destroys self-esteem as well. Or we may choose what looks like the easiest path-to leave--only to discover that we attract others with whom we repeat the pattern, wondering why we ever tried to trust again!

What is Trust? I deeply believe that trust requires faith. Faith in the basic integrity of a person, recognizing that there are times we must separate a person from his/her actions. And it also helps to recognize that trust and love are very different! We can love someone and still know we cannot trust them with every aspect of our lives and affections. There are times, due to a multitude of reasons, we choose not to trust our partners, parents or even our children. Yet we know that we love them still, and await the changes that opens both hearts to return to trust.

Forgiveness is the shift in awareness that allows us the courage to return to a relationship after a serious breach of trust--and it can also strengthen our ability to let go of a connection that no longer serves our needs. Few of us were given step-by-step instructions on what to do if we feel betrayed. We might be told to "forgive and forget," but forgiveness is a word that evokes conflicting meanings within each person. The purpose of forgiveness is to allow the forgiver to reclaim the peace of mind that comes from letting go of past hurts. We need never to condone the hurt nor deny the feelings. And most significantly, in terms of sanity and safety, forgiving does not require having to let the betrayer back into your life! Forgiveness is about accepting any lessons learned, releasing the feelings still trapped inside, and finding peace. Only then can we let go of the remnants of the shame, fear and anger that is created by betrayal.

In my one-day workshop, "Trust, Betrayal & Forgiveness ~
A Leap of Faith," participants are offered useable tools from many disciplines, and have actual practice in using them. They experience real reduction of stress and anger and release stuck emotions. This includes forgiveness of the Self, ending perpetual self-punishment which is perhaps the most difficult process of all! As we free ourselves from the shame and pain caused by others, as well as our own mistakes, we regain our power and self respect. It is by learning to trust ourselves that we lose the terror of abandonment by others. And by releasing any unproductive guilt from our own mistakes, we can accept the lessons learned, and move on to self-love. You will discover that is only after committing to "Never again!" is it safe to say "I forgive." My goal is to give participants the permission and skills and strength to say both!