Wedding Basics: The Wedding Party and Who to Choose

Choosing a maid of honor is a cinch. You need only ask yourself who you called first after he popped the question. But selecting additional bridesmaids can be a chore. There is no set number. Some brides have five friends by their side and others have only one. In this article, we will review a few simple rules for choosing wedding party members. Agree on a Number The size of the wedding often determines the size of the wedding party. Smaller, more intimate affairs rarely have much of a wedding party. The happy couple will typically stand beside a best man and a maid of honor. But at larger ceremonies, a full wedding party is customary. Choosing friends and family members to sit at the head table is never easy. There are bound to be some hurt feelings. But one way to limit them is to agree on the size of the wedding party beforehand. That way, if a friend or relative misses the cut, you can explain to them that you were only allowed to pick three bridesmaids and that they were number four. Consider Personalities Unlike their male counterparts, the bridesmaids actually have responsibilities. They have to help the bride find her dress, find their own dresses, plan a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, and help the bride with her makeup and her dress on the big day. In short, they have to be responsible and agreeable. Now, we’re not saying they have to be choirgirls. But if you have a fun friend who’s a bit selfish and doesn’t play well with others, she might not be bridesmaid material. You need a group of girls who can pull together and put your needs before their own. Yes, you have the right to be selfish on your big day! A bridesmaid should understand and accept that fact and nod her head, even if she isn’t hot on the dress you want her to wear. Ask an In-Law Most bridal parties include family members, but when it comes to future in-laws most brides-to-be are on the fence. If their future husband has a sister they don’t really know very well, should they ask them to be a bridesmaid? Will the future sister-in-law feel slighted if she is not included in the wedding party? These aren’t easy questions to answer. Our advice to you is to err on the side of caution. Yes, it may mean excluding a close friend, but your friends will understand. This simple gesture will go a long way to winning the approval and affection, if you don’t already have it, of your future in-laws. And who knows, you might make a new friend in the process. Always Have a B Team The average wedding takes about a year to plan. One common mistake many couples make is that they select a wedding party as soon as possible. Well, call us cynical, but a lot can happen in a year. Best friends can become enemies, people can move away, or they may simply fall out of touch. That is why it is always a good idea to select a final wedding party about halfway through the planning process. It is also a good idea to have a few backup bridesmaids on call. Yes, this is unabashedly Machiavellian, but we recommend an aunt or a cousin who is already attending the ceremony. There are two reasons for this. One, they are family, so they will feel obligated to step in and fill the role. Two, they will likely feel grateful that you thought of them first, which of course you didn’t…but who’s keeping score? Don’t be Afraid to Bend the Rules Modern women are far more likely to have male friends than their mothers were. Whether they meet at work, at college, or they grew up together, a bride-to-be should not be embarrassed about having a man in her bridal party. Sure, he might look a little strange in the dress…just kidding! The truth is that many contemporary couples invite members of the opposite sex to stand beside them on their big day. Yes, there are groomswomen and bridesmen! Keep Bending There is nothing that says you have to have only one maid of honor. Yes, it’s your day. But if you have two best friends and you know both of them would be upset if you passed them over, it is perfectly permissible to have two maids of honor. Returning to Machiavelli, it’s actually a very shrewd move. First, it will make both of them feel special, which is always a good thing when it comes to close friends. And second, the maid of honor actually has to work for her title. Not only does she plan the bridal shower and the bachelorette party, but she also helps the bride with wedding planning. Having two maids of honor can make wedding season a heck of a lot easier. Picking your wedding party gives you a chance to surround yourself with your favorite family members and friends. Those who don’t make the cut will get over it once they remember who’s special day it is anyway—yours!