Who Do You Think You Aren't?

That’s not a typo in the title. I’m asking you to pause for a minute or more (given how much we introverts like to reflect), and ask yourself: ”Who am I not?” Make a list of 10-20 attributes and/or personality traits that are not you. For example, I told myself for many years (and still do) that I am not an athlete or athletic, as I have been overweight and slow my entire life (also a little clumsy).

Look over your list. You have just identified your perceived limitations. They hold you back; prevent you from reaching your goals (you DO have specific goals, right?) or even stop you from attempting certain objectives.

The limitation usually takes the form of this belief: “I can’t do X because I’m not Y.” (Where X is the desired objective and Y is the attribute you are not.) This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You believe you can’t do X so you don’t try, or you attempt it half-heartedly and give up at the first sign of difficulty or lack of progress. So you don’t get X and you now have “proof” that you “can’t.”

If you want to overcome a perceived limitation (remember you don’t have to if you don’t WANT to), here’s what you can do:

1. Recognize and acknowledge the limitation you currently hold.

2. Accept it; make it OK to believe this for now. This is also known as “Meet yourself where you are.”

3. Now start questioning your belief. Is this really true? Who says? Any exceptions?

4. Start playing with definitions and meaning for the attribute; expand your possibilities for success.

5. Do X anyway. I’m going to start sounding like a broken record, but action goes a long way in helping you shatter your limitation myths. The trick here is to not give up too soon.

To use my example from above, I once believed I could not participate in group long-distance competitive events such as triathlons and century rides, because “I am not an athlete.” In fact, I entered my first triathlon (in my 40s) because I thought that if I actually completed it, I would finally “feel” fit and athletic; that I would start perceiving myself as an athlete. I picked a triathlon because, at the time, it appeared to be well out of my reach. I did not expect to win; nor did I expect to place within my age group. I expanded my possibilities for success by deciding that a win for me was to finish the event. All I had to do was to enter and not drop out. I finished, not last, but at the very back of the pack. I did a few more triathlons in the years following, and then switched to bike events (easier on the joints). I’m fit, but still overweight, still slower than most, and still occasionally enjoying these types of events in my own p lodding-but-determined style.

Guess what? I still don’t see myself as an athlete, but what I learned is: It does not matter whether I think I am an athlete or not. I did what I set out to do anyway. You can too. I know you can. Just focus on what you want, set your limitations aside as best you can, and DO IT. Do it your way, at your pace. Who says it has to be any other way?

(c) 2009 Joanne Julius Hunold