Who Took Your Control Away?

Who Took Your Control Away?nnBy The Gails - Gail Barker and Gail Nielsen nnThe early moments, days and experiences of your life laid the foundation for what followed. The issue of control is a big deal in the early years. Those who have a basic understanding of child psychology are familiar with theories that discuss the centrality of an individual’s drive to get survival needs met. As human beings, people need to know that they have some control over their environment as they develop their orientation to the world. For example, babies require that their needs be met consistently. When their cries are responded to, they feel like they have some control in their little world and can begin to develop a sense of trust. According to John Bradshaw,"The first developmental task in life is to establish a basic sense of trust… . If we can trust the world, we can learn to trust ourselves. Trusting yourself means that you can trust your personal powers, perceptions, interpretations, feelings, and desires" (Homecoming, p.12).nnNumerous theories, supported by scientific research and spiritual insights, offer the intricacies of how and why this comes about. An individual’s relationship to control and his sense of personal power have their roots in his very orientation to the world.nnIn light of this fact, as you look back, ask yourself who or what took your control away in the first place. Can you remember a particular time or repetitive pattern in which you felt your sense of control was being overridden? Many people have distinct memories of events at which time it felt like control was ripped away from them, or their peronal voices were stifled. Others recall a vague sense of powerlessness, sometimes with regard to a particular time in their lives or covering many years. For many, this feeling is with them still and it is simply part of the lens through which they view the world. In either case, early experiences of imbalanced interactions involving control, if not addressed appropriately at the time, lead people to seek control elsewhere in their lives… .nnA lack of control in early years can create varying degrees of neediness when it comes to control later in life. For some, control becomes an addiction, for others it takes hold with less fervour but still diminishes significantly a person’s ability to acutalise his true potential.nnWe’re talking about patterns that started generations ago and have become locked into family dynamics, social constructs and individual hearts. So, we encourage you to be patient with yourself as you engage in this process of acknowledging your freakiness, unearthing its particular origins and discovering the lightness that awaits you. It’s really not any more complicated than this…. Remember, your thoughts are powerful. Your intentions are powerful. Choose to want to live lightly and good things start straight away. You’re on the road to healing what are most probably ancient, toxic patterns and, in the same way the wounding did, the healing will last far into the future. What an exhilarating thought!nn(An Excerpt From The Control Freak’s Guide™ to Living Lightly – Manifesting a Life of Total Trust; Chapter 3: “How the Heck Did I Get This Way?”)nn