Article

Why Are You Lonely? What Can You Do?

Topic: Friendship & LonelinessPublished June 4, 2010

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If you are wondering why some people have a lot of friends and why you don’t have many, there can be many reasons for this. Perhaps the most common reason why people don’t have a lot of friends is shyness. If you are very shy, or if you have a lot of social anxiety, then being around other people can make you feel extremely anxious. You may get tongue tied and have a hard time knowing what to say to others. Shy people who are extremely lonely often have so much anxiety around people that they feel compelled to stay away from social situations. This can increase their loneliness, because by staying away from others they don’t get a chance to practice and improve their social skills. They don’t get a chance to meet new people or to develop relationships with the people that they already know. By avoiding social situations, shy people allow their anxieties to run their lives. In many cases, repeated exposure to social situations can cause the anxiety to disappear. Another reason why some people don’t have a lot of friends is because they are introverted. Introverts are people who really enjoy spending time alone, and they often start to feel exhausted and stressed if they have to be around other people for long periods of time. Being introverted is a normal condition. There is nothing wrong with introverts. Introverts can make friends and enjoy the company of other people, however they are also very happy to spend time by themselves. If you’re a person who usually dislikes most people you meet, you may have to explore the question of whether this is the fault of the people you’re meeting, or it it’s somehow your fault. Another possible reason that you don’t have many friends is that you may be an unfriendly person If you are an unfriendly person, you may not even be aware of it yourself. Perhaps you are very mean and sarcastic towards others. Perhaps you are very negative or very judgmental. Perhaps you are always picking fights with other people. If you have any of these character flaws, other people will tend to avoid you. If you notice that as soon as you meet others, you’re constantly looking for their flaws, you’re constantly evaluating them based on their way of speech, or their manner of dressing, this could be a sign that you are tremendously insecure yourself. You are mentally looking for ways to put others down so that you can feel a little bit better in comparison to them. This is probably a sign that you don’t feel very good about yourself. If you currently don’t have a lot of friends, you need to honestly ask yourself whether it bothers you to be alone so much, or if you are satisfied with your social life as it is. If it turns out that you actually are satisfied with your current social life and friendships, you don’t need to change anything. However, if it turns out that you are feeling lonely and isolated because you don’t have enough close friendships and relationships in your life, you have to decide what steps you need to take to change your situation. Do you simply need to get out of the house more often, and into an environment where you can interact with more people? Do you need to improve your conversation skills, or your personal grooming? Do you need more confidence, or more self esteem? Do you need help in getting over your shyness or your social anxiety? In most cases, these problems can be overcome with a little bit of attention and some extra effort.

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