Why Do You Want A Soulmate?

Founder, Global Relationship Centers, Inc.
Before reading what follows I want to suggest that you approach this information with an increased amount of self-acceptance. You may find that some of the ideas I present herenchallenge how you feel about yourself. You may think that I am just pointing out weaknesses and shortcomings and that you have to defend against them to maintain your selfconfidence.
I suggest you take a moment, right now, before reading on, and make a verbal request. Say, “I sure hope that reading this material will help me see some of the mistakesnthat I may be making, so that I can improve on them and thereby create a more enjoyable life for myself.“

Most people regard the discovery of one of their mistakes as something that they must defend in order to avoid the feelings of upset they developed when being disciplined as a child. However, if you can increase your self-acceptance and actually begin a joyful search for errors that you may be making, you will feel no need to get defensive. You will then be free tonsee new possibilities. So, in that spirit of self-acceptance, let’s talk about your quest for finding your soul mate.
Many people claim that they are looking for their soul mate. I ask them, “Why do you need a soul mate before you can start practicing your ability to love unconditionally?”

Searching for a soul mate sounds so romantic and, on the surface, appears to be a quest for dedication. However, if you take a close look at what you’re implying you may discover thatnyour motives are not as romantic as they are defensive.
There are around six billion people currently alive on this planet, with about half men and half women. Yet many people tend to feel that there is only ONE person with whom they cannbe in a harmonious relationship. That thinking is clearly an underestimation of their ability to cooperate. Usually they are more concerned with establishing an alibi to explain the failurenthey expect; or as an excuse to hide the fact that they are avoiding relationships.

When I claim that I am searching for my soul mate I infer that if I get into a relationship with someone other than my soul mate then I am spiritually with the wrong person. I am claimingnthat if things do not work out it is not because of a lack of character on my part; it is because I was not with the person I was designed to be with. Many people claim to be searching for their soul mate after being in a relationship that failed. Consider this situation: A man is thrown from the horse he was attempting to ride.

Instead of getting back on the horse again he claims that he is searching for his soul horse, and there is no sense riding before he finds it. Perhaps you did not do well in a previous relationship. Maybe it ended in divorce, or you feltnthat the person you loved left you. Did you feel hurt? What is the purpose for your hurt feelings? I recall a time when I felt hurt. I was in love with the most wonderful girl! We werenvery happy together for many months. After meeting me she had decided to break up with her boyfriend who was in the service. One evening she received a call from him asking if shencould give him a ride home from the airport. She told him yes and that she would drive him over to my house on the way so he could meet her new boyfriend. When the two of them showed up at my house they came walking up the driveway arm-in-arm! She phoned me the next day to tell me that they had decided to get married. I felt hurt and cried for days. I was so heartbroken that I was not even interested in any other woman for a long time afterwards.nn© Global Relationship Centers, Inc. 2007
But was I really hurt? Sure, I felt hurt, but what was the actual injury? On the surface it appears that I was the victim of an inconsiderate woman who led me on. However, to accurately assess the situation, you need to know about the moment that I decided to fall in love with her. It was after our first date. We had gone skiing and then returned to my house. At first I was not very interested in her. Then she said, “Bill, I could never marry you because you have been divorced and that is strictly against my religion.“ Do you see that what triggered my interest in her was her pronouncement that she was NOT available for a longterm relationship. That was my signal that it was safe to get involved because there was no chance for a sustained relationship. I had not been, as I thought, searching for my soul mate. I was laying the groundwork to postpone relationships. By staying in love with someone who was not available it allowed me to overlook how afraid I was of getting involved. I had already failed in my previous relationship. I had gotten divorced. My skills of cooperation had been tested and found lacking. Somehow I felt that future failure could be avoided by not participating. What a mistake! Fortunately I received training that helped me surmount my fears and hesitation. I learned that you do not learn to get along better in a love relationship without practicing. The best way to learn how to stay on the horse is to get back on and ride again. Sure, you may fail again, but you can handle it. Especially if you do not need to feel hurt to enable yourself to feel that the blame belongs to the other party.

Do you need to find your soul mate? No. You only need to keep practicing and developing your ability to love with fewer and fewer conditions. Use these five suggestions to prepare yourself for your soul mate:

1. Don't postpone starting a relationship waiting for your soul mate to show up. Wouldn't you rather practice and make mistakes with someone who is not your one-and-only? Then you will have learned more about how to be loving if and when your soul matenshows up.

2. Practice reducing the number of conditions you have on your partner. If you can only love your partner if he or she does not flirt with others then you have not yet reached the levelnof unconditional love. You probably will not achieve the level of unconditional love in this lifetime, however there is no reason you cannot start practicing. Frequently stretch yournflexibility and practice staying loving when your partner does not meet your conditions.

3. Check to see if you are feeling trapped in your relationship. If that is how you are feeling then you need to practice being responsible for your own happiness. The feeling of beingntrapped only exists when you are pressuring your partner to make you happy.

4. Instead of trying to discover if your partner is YOUR soul mate, ask yourself, “What would I have to do to make my partner feel that I was his or her soul mate?“ Then work on developing those qualities in yourself.

5. Ask yourself why your partner must change. If you need him to change his behavior then you must not be engaged in loving him. You are probably insisting that he help you feel loved. Recognize that it is not his job to help you feel good about yourself. It is your job to practice becoming a more loving person.