Why Men Cheat in Relationships

This question usually comes to me from a woman who has been deeply hurt by a man who has cheated on her. The feelings a woman can often experience when she finds out and deals with the unfaithfulness can range from shock, denial, disillusionment, betrayal, anger, rage, fury, disgust, nausea, bargaining, and an overall feeling like a complete fool. Many times in this situation, a woman is left feeling not just the emotional reaction from the cheating but the loss of trust in herself as well as the loss of trust in others, especially men. As well, often times her self-esteem will be tested. She can have thoughts such as, "Aren't I good enough? Aren't I sexy enough? Why aren't I enough? What is wrong with me?" At the same time, she may have to grieve the loss of the "image" she had of her man as well as the relationship. In the end, she must decide if she will be able to forgive her cheating man in order to work things out and stay together. This is a devastating experience with many layers of healing which will need to be worked through. It is not as commonly spoken about; however, this happens to men as well. It seems that more and more women today are cheating on their partners. So really the question is "Why do people cheat while in relationships?" The answers can vary as widely as the number of people who are actually doing the cheating. However, we can narrow it down into some categories which may make it more understandable. Generally, a person cheats because; they are looking to get their unmet needs in the relationship fulfilled outside the relationship, they give into tempting situations, they have commitment issues, they have intimacy issues, they themselves have trust issues, they have abandonment issues and in some cases they are sex addicts. Depending upon the relationship and the person doing the cheating, they will usually fall into one or more of the mentioned reasons. Truly, only they know the real reason of why they cheated. In some cases, they may not even understand why themselves. The truth is you may never know for sure. So, the actual work begins when you turn inwardly and begin with yourself. The first decision is whether your partner and the relationship are worth the work. If you decide to try to work things out, seeking a professional's help is often very helpful. Getting past an infidelity can be very tricky for most people to do on their own. Then, if the cheating comes from needs not being met in the relationship, you must look at yourself and accept where your actions may have contributed to the cheating. This requires a great strength in character as it is so much easier for us to blame the other person instead of looking at ourselves. However, by taking responsibility for any part you had in the situation, will help you grow as a person and assist in the healing of the relationship. Finally, whether you chose to stay in the relationship or not, forgiving is absolutely necessary for you to move on with your life in a healthy way. The road to forgiveness begins with understanding. Once we can understand the reasons why someone behaves the way they do, we can forgive any judgment we have placed on them for these behaviors. This is not to say we accept abusive behaviors and say, "Oh Well, I understand you have a problem". It simply means we move on with our lives without dragging the baggage of un-forgiveness along with us. When we judge and then do not forgive, it is as if we are holding a sword over our own head. It renders us trapped, burdened and not free to live our lives from a place of wholeness and fulfillment. Instead, we are encumbered by the negative thoughts and feelings not forgiving brings. Being betrayed by an infidelity is one of the most difficult things someone will go through. However, healing is possible. I highly recommend seeking the right professional assistance; the right therapist for you or for you and your partner. Acquiring understanding, reaching forgiveness, and being able to move forward with your life together in the relationship or apart is very possible. It does not need to be a devastating end; it can be the beginning of a deeper, richer and more profound life.