10 Steps You Can Take When Your Anger Button Is Pushed

Some days you may feel like you are walking around wearing a sign that must say, "Push My Anger Button".

This person, and in some cases more than one person, or even this article may turn your calm into a storm.

You were just fine until someone said _______ or did _________, that to you. Then wham, bam, pow, wow, you became all fired up.

Sometimes your anger/frustration comes flying out at the person without any notice at all.

You might find yourself venting your feelings to another person or other people about what this person did to you or how this person got you all riled up.

Or, maybe you swallow your feelings, so to speak, and you are stewing away for days to come, and you are cool, standoffish, or snippy with the person or even people who have nothing to do with what happened.

Perhaps you try fooling yourself by pretending you aren't angry at all. It's like if you were to sweep it under the carpet it's not really there. Believe me, it's still there!

Lashing out might feel good at the time as you have released some of that energy, but it's not the best way to convey what's upsetting you. In fact, it can often make things worse.

Venting to someone is helpful in that it allows you to share what you are feeling, but it doesn't necessarily take it away.

Stewing about it only adds fuel to the fire and creates more angst.

Denying your anger only postpones it and adds to what is already there.

Whether you lash out, vent, internalize, or deny what's going on, it's important you realize that your anger button has been pushed and that YOU CAN gain some really valuable insights about yourself and often about the other person as well.

Before you arrive at that space of learning from what's being triggered, it helps to calm down and center yourself.

There are many ways that you can settle down. You can go for a walk, take some deep relaxing breaths, listen to some relaxing music, exercise, have a bath, etc.

Once you are feeling a little less angry it's time to take out the pen and paper.

Ask yourself, "What am I REALLY angry about?". Often what you think you are angry about isn't really what it is at all. There also may be more than one thing that has upset you.
Become as clear as you can as to what angered you the most.
Write down all the words that surface when you think about the person/situation - unfair, doesn't listen, dosen't understand, never helps, is selfish, etc.
Take a few deep breaths and look at the situation/person again.
See if you can see a time where you have shared that trait in your thinking or way of doing things, whether in the past or currently.
Find an instance of how the opposite of what you are saying is true. For example: __________ is really selfish. I'm sure you can think of many ways the person is selfish. Are you able to see where you have been or are selfish in you life? Then find an example of where you and the other person are not selfish.
Write down some positives about you, the other person, or the situation.
Check in to see if your anger has lessened, even a smidgen.
What have you learned about yourself, the other person, or the situation?
Is there anything you could do or say differently now or if something like this occurs again?
You may find yourself still wanting to hold onto your anger. If so, ask yourself how long you want to hold this feeling. How is it helping you, the other person, and/or the situation?

You can repeat the 10 steps more than once if you feel you want to keep that anger button pushed in.

You really can learn a lot about yourself and others if you take the time to get to know what you are feeling.

Experiencing anger, or any other emotion for that matter, isn't abad thing. Rather, these emotions are truly opportunities to understand ourselves better and to learn and grow from them, if you choose.

You never know what new thinking, new ways of doing things, and new possibilities can arise from having your anger button pushed.

The next time that button in you is triggered you may look choose to look at it differently.

You may not always be victorious in handling your anger and that's alright. What's important for you is what you are learning from those times as they are steps in this great journey we embark on called life.

"There is much to be learned from our emotions; it's not about perfecting the imperfections, rather it's a journey in loving and understanding ourselves better". Kimberley Cohen

Use the technique with insight to assist you in seeing that when your anger or emotional buttons are pushed there is learning to be done.