10 Tips to Being Poor and Miserable for Life

Wanting to be rich and happy is way too trendy. Don't you want to be different from everyone else? If you're seeking a lifetime of poverty and misery, look no further. Following these 10 tips will ensure you a miserable life. 1) Whenever you feel lazy or unmotivated, take the day off and play video games, watch soap operas and eat a ton of junk food. Don't return to work until you feel motivated again. nn2) When the going gets tough, just give up. Overcoming obstacles will make you grow as a person, and you don't want any of that! Instead, give up and watch TV until you feel better. Or until your cable gets shut off from non-payment, whichever comes first. 3) If you have a cramp in your toe, a tummy ache, a bruise on your shoulder, or your friend's cousin's biology teacher (who you've never met) passes away...don't you dare even think about working. You need to recuperate. Who knows what might happen if you work under those conditions. 4) Never take responsibility for anything that isn't going your way, especially if there's any chance you caused it. Remember: it's not your fault you're broke, overweight and miserable. If the whole world wasn't plotting against you, you'd be a gazillionairre right now. 5) Never take time to figure out what you want in life. Someday, that big idea will hit you and you'll know exactly what you want and how to get it without any effort. In fact, it may just show up on your doorstep one day, so it's best not to waste any time figuring it out on your own. 6) Every year on New Year's Eve, set vague goals with no deadline and no action plan to make them happen. Here's a great one you can use: "start a business that makes lots of money". Then proceed to forget all about it 2 weeks later. 7) Don't earn $30 when you can save $0.30! Instead of working an extra hour to make more money, spend that hour arguing with the grocery store cashier until he accepts your 30 cent off coupon for chips. 8) Convince yourself that all rich, happy people just lucked into their success. One of these days while you're sitting on the couch watching Oprah, your ship will come in too. If it doesn't, it's because the world is out to get you. 9) Insist on being 100% perfect all the time. Don't make any mistakes, ever. Spend at least an hour writing a brilliant response to this article so when people read your comment, they'll think you're a genius. 10) Get extremely angry about everything this article says. Refuse to believe you can possibly relate to anything I just said, and continue on with your life without changing your behavior in any way. That attitude has served you great in the past, keep up the good work and you'll surely be guaranteed a lifetime of poverty and misery.