As current divorce rates show, staying in love is not something we can take for granted. Despite this realization, modern society does not prepare couples well for making their relationship last.
For instance, romantic movies typically end at the point where a lifelong relationship begins - once two people have found each other and fallen in love. This can lead to the impression that in order to have a loving partnership, one only has to find the right person and everything will work out.
But what happens after "The End" in movies? What does the “happily ever after” in fairy tales entail?
What happens is that the creation of a lasting relationship requires ongoing commitment.
Here are a number of lesser-know ways that can help couples to keep their romance and love alive:
1. GazingrnGazing (
http://www.transformingintoauthenticity.com/gazing.html) is a spiritual practice which entails making eye contact with someone for an extended period of time. Imagine a lover gazing into his or her partner’s eyes. Their eye contact creates a loving space and an even deeper connection between the two.
All you need to do is to sit across your partner in a quiet space and make eye contact with them. If you want, you can also hold hands. Look into the eyes of our partner while both of you are opening your heart. Initially, this can feel awkward. If you stick with it, you will likely feel closer to each other than before. Over time, gazing can melt barriers and blockages. It can remind you of what feels so special about the person you have chosen to be with and how much you care about your partner.
2. (Some) physical distancernMost people find the idea of a long-distance relationship unappetizing. However, there is some research that suggests that people in a long-distance relationship actually feel closer emotionally than those in geographical proximity (
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jcom.12029/abstract;jsessionid=AD6AE29D0069AED2A241B3ADDBCA2D47.f03t02?systemMessage=Wiley+Online+Library+will+be+unavailable+for+up+to+3+hours+on+Saturday+19th+March+2016+from++11%3A00-14%3A00+GMT+%2F+07%3A00-10%3A00+EDT+%2F+19%3A00-22%3A00+SGT+for+essential+maintenance.++Apologies+for+the+inconvenience.&userIsAuthenticated=false&deniedAccessCustomisedMessage=).
Of course, most people would understandably not choose to be in a long-distance relationship unless they had to. But is it possible to have the benefits of living together and yet experience the same new-ness that couples in long-distance relationships may feel for each other whenever they meet?
One such way is to spend some time being physically apart. For instance, if the two of you have vastly different vacation styles or dream destinations, you can try travelling separately for a change. You can also visit your parents or old friends without your partner which has the added advantage that you can fully focus on being together with them.
When you are apart from your partner, you can often appreciate your loved one much more. A little bit of distance can make the heart grow fonder.
3. Taking safe emotional risksrnLife tends to get stale when people stay in their comfort zone. The same is true in the area of relationships. In this situation, some people look outside of their relationships for their feeling of aliveness.
However, there is a way to have more excitement and intimacy within the relationship. It happens when you dare to take emotional risks: anytime you make yourself vulnerable or share something that is outside of your comfort zone with our partner, you feel more alive. This is the practice of taking safe emotional risks.
It entails doing something that feels like the right thing to do while also being scary. An example of this is telling your partner something you have never dared to tell anyone else, or expressing your love to your partner. All of this, of course, asummes that your partner is essentially a safe person to take emotional risks with.
When your take emotional risks, your partner can see a different side of you, thereby building intimacy. When your partner does the same, both of you get to experience intrigue once again.
The truth is that all humans are mysteries, even to themselves. We have so many sides to us and we are continuously growing. When people in a relationship move out of roles and into what they really are, interactions with their partner feel alive.
With all this being said, here’s the truth about what happens after “The End”: In real life relationships, there is no “happily ever after”, no magical “The End”.
There are just new beginnings.
And that is the real magic.
A version of this article was first published by elephant journal (
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/03/kindling-the-fire-3-best-kept-secrets-to-staying-in-love/).