Staying in love is tough. Any married couple or any couple in a long-term relationship will vouch for that.
At the beginning of the relationship, our hormones kick in. You think your partner can do no wrong and you are always excited to be with your partner.
There is a scientific explanation for this.
If you examine the brain of a couple experiencing passionate love, you will see several physiological changes.
Here is an extract from Scientific American (reference URL:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-physiological-changes-can-explain-honeymoon-phase-relationship/) on what happens to your brain when you are head over heels in love.
"Using functional MRI, investigators have identified several brain regions associated with feeling love. Individuals who experience passionate love (typically brought on by pictures or thoughts of the beloved) show greater activation in the caudate nucleus, important in learning and memory, and the ventral tegmental area, central to emotional processing. Both brain areas tend to be rich in dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with reward and motivation."
With time, the effect of this drug goes away and the reality of putting up with your partner kicks in! All their flaws become prominent and suddenly you realise your partner is not all that perfect as you had imagined at the beginning of your relationship.
Subtitle: The difference between rational and passionate love explained
Couples who transition from passionate love to rational love end up staying in love for a long time.
In a 2011 nationally representative U.S. survey led by Dr Daniel O’Leary, survey respondents were asked to rate how much in love they were with their partner on a seven-point scale from “not at all in love” to “very intensely in love.”
More than 40% of those married 10 years or longer selected “very intensely in love.” Of course, we don’t know how they defined love, and it’s always possible people are deceiving themselves or trying to make a good impression. Still, the results are striking.
More interesting, in a brain scan study led by Dr Bianca Acevedo that year, couples who were married at least 10 years and claimed to be passionately in love were shown pictures of their partners as well as a familiar neutral person.
The study found that when people look at a picture of someone with whom they’re intensely in love, the “dopamine reward system” part of the brain is activated. The only notable difference from those newly in love was that the long-term lovers did not also show activation in brain areas associated with anxiety.
Subtitle: 5 Proven ways to have a long-term relationship
Now that we understand how long-term love works, here are five expert-recommended tips to help you stay in love for a lifetime.
1. To stay in love for a long time, you will have to put your partner’s interests first and not treat marriage/relationship as a means to attain your personal satisfaction.
According to an article published in Psychology Today (reference:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thriving101/201102/brain-study-reveals-secrets-staying-madly-in-love),
“The key to understanding how to sustain long-term romantic love is to understand it a bit scientifically. Our brains view long-term passionate love as a goal-directed behavior to attain rewards. And when we perform actions that make our partner happy, we enhance and maintain the relationship by working towards our goal of sustaining the rewards."
2. According to psychologist Marcel Zentner, PhD, of the University of Geneva, men and women who continue to maintain that their partner is attractive, funny, kind, and ideal for them in just about every way stay in love for a lifetime. (Reference:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/08/lasting-love-long-term-relationships_n_3530293.html?ir=India&adsSiteOverride=in)
3. Dr Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD recommends that when you spend quality time with your spouse or partner on a regular basis outside your home, you will strengthen your relationship. If you both indulge in challenging activities together, it will help you bond. A weekend trip to a jungle lodge or taking up social work occasionally will help create a greater bond.
4. Dr Whitbourne explains that "People who approach their daily lives with zest and strong emotion seem to carry these intense feelings over to their love life as well. If you want your relationship to have passion, put that emotional energy to work on your hobbies, interests, and even your political activities. Your brain's reward centers respond similarly to love as to getting excited about your other daily interests.”
5. Esther Perel, a New York-based relationship therapist believes that desire and neediness are enemies in any relationship.
It’s always a good idea to marry someone that is confident and can function independently. Whenever the need for safety and security becomes a key expectation, it can kill desire.
First published here -
https://www.jodilogik.com/wordpress/index.php/stay-in-love/