5 Signs that It's Time to Go

Jessica is a mess. She has cried herself to sleep-- all alone-- more nights than she can even keep track of. Her husband, Charles, has been absent a lot of the time. He stays out all night, partying with friends or, when he does come home, he sleeps on the couch. When Jessica and Charles are together in the same room, they often argue and fight-- sometimes the fights even become violent. Jessica has no appetite, she can't focus on her work at the office and she has withdrawn from her friends and family. Everyone is worried about her...except, it seems, Charles. Despite all of this, Jessica still loves Charles. She feels panicked and even more upset when she thinks about them splitting up. She loves him and she knows that she needs to face up to the question she's been avoiding... “Is it time for me to leave this relationship?” Whether you are married or in a long-term love relationship, making the decision to stay in or leave your relationship can be one of the most difficult choices you might ever make. The answer may be obvious to your friends and family-- and they might be giving you a lot of advice about what they think you should do. If you find their advice helpful, be sure to listen to them. These people care about you and, most likely, have your well-being in mind. But, make sure that the decision you come to about your relationship is truly one that YOU make. You can certainly take into consideration the opinions of others, but you are the one who best knows how YOU feel and what is true for you conce ing your relationship. Because it can get very confusing when you're facing such a decision, we offer you these signs that it's time to go. Please remember, this list is not exhaustive, nor is it meant as a final say on what you should do. Again, you need to make a decision that is wise for you and in your best interests. Remember to listen most of all to your own inner wisdom. This, of course, requires you to tune in and really listen to yourself and set aside your fears, worries, wishful thinking and judgments about what you think you should do. 5 signs that it might be time for you to leave your relationship... #1: There is a complete communication breakdown. Couples sometimes go through rough patches in their relationship when communication becomes either very conflict-filled or shuts down in a stalemate. This might pass as the two people find a way to move past the misunderstanding and hurt feelings and reach a resolution. If, on the other hand, you and your partner are consistently in a state where communication is shut down and you feel like you've tried everything you know to get the conversation started again (including getting help from a professional), this is something to consider when making the decision to stay in or leave your relationship. #2: Your heart is just not in saving this relationship. It may be that you still feel a lot of love for your partner. It could be that you feel heart-broken just thinking about your relationship ending. At the same time, your heart might not be in this relationship anymore. This is kind of tricky to get clear about. Pay attention to where your impulse to work on your relationship comes from. If you are mostly thinking that you “should” stay in this relationship because it's “better for your child,” “it will look bad to others,” “it is a sign of failure,” or similar thoughts, we encourage you to go deeper. In order to truly save a relationship, you and your partner need to truly and genuinely want to be together and the impulse to do so needs to come from the heart. #3: You are being abused. If you are being physically, sexually, emotionally or in any other way abused by your partner, we urge you to get away from him or her. Even if you don't end the relationship at this moment, it's vital for you to get to a safe space where you can start to heal and, from there, you can make the decision about whether to stay in or leave the relationship. Your health and well-being are NOT worth compromising-- not even for a little bit longer. If you want to stay in the relationship, your abusive partner is going to need to get help from a professional. There are going to need to be some big changes to ensure that you will be returning to a safe environment, if you do choose to continue the relationship. #4: Your partner is unwilling to work on your relationship at all. This is another somewhat tricky one. It may seem to you that your partner has absolutely no interest in working with you to improve your relationship. From your perspective, it could appear that he or she is doing nothing at all to help. Try to take as objective as you can a look at your situation. Notice the tangible actions that both your partner AND you consistently do. Give credit for efforts you both may be trying to improve your relationship that you may not have seen before. If you truly cannot find a single piece of proof that indicates your partner is willing to work on your relationship, notice this and take it into consideration. It's really tough to truly turn a relationship around when there's only person making changes. #5: You've reached your “bottom line.” We've all got a “bottom line.” This consists of the values and assertions about how you will live your life that you will not be flexible about. Be clear within yourself about what your boundaries are-- especially those that are firm-- and then compare what's going on in your relationship with them. If you've reached your “bottom line” and your partner is unwilling to respect your firm boundaries, it might be time for you go.