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Do you want to reduce communication and discipline problems as often as you can? Are you tired of your home being a place of stress and criticism rather than a place of love that supports your family values? Perhaps you are even feeling scared, concerned and at your wits end. Continue on for the best parenting advice in how to turn your home from a Battle Zone to a No-Fault Zone, in five simple steps.nnnAlong with money fears, families today are feeling the increasing speed of life. With each new activity available to our children in the form of clubs, sports and hobbies along with the rush of information delivered by the Internet, cell phones, and text messaging, what we are supposed to accomplish in a day has increased. This can turn our homes into places of anger, hurt feelings and headaches.nnWouldn’t it be nice to walk in the door of your home and know you have entered a place of peace and respect? Imagine there is an invisible yellow tape that separates your home from the rest of the world. Each time you enter you know you have left the miscommunication battles of the day behind and entered a No-Fault Zone.nnnBy following the Five Simple Steps below, from our book, Respectful Parents – Respectful Kids, you can cut down family conflict most of the time and learn how to handle the few remaining times.nn We offer a way of seeing conflict that might be new to you. You will learn to focus on the choices you have for handling anger AND we will give specific ideas to create a “working together” approach rather than “you against me” approach.nnHere is just a taste of what you can learn much more about in our book Respectful Parents – Respectful Kids:nn1. Choose to See Conflict as a Puzzle to SolvennThe most common conflicts families face in the home have to do with daily routines such as bedtime, rising time, sharing toys, doing household chores and how to spend money.nnStep One suggests that we move from seeing conflict as a bad thing to be avoided, to realizing that wherever people are, there are going to be clashes. Learning together, to see conflict as a puzzle to be solved offers a chance to grow in the understanding of another, which will serve your children well throughout their lives.nnViewing conflict as a puzzle or a mathematical problem to be solved changes fights usually based on the underlying fear “I’m not going to get what I want”; to discussions of ways everyone can feel heard and respected.nnBy labeling conflict as a puzzle, the emotional and personal attachment to only seeing the situation from “my side” is removed. The fear, anger and defensiveness surrounding everyday interactions begin to dissolve and a sense of curiosity and adventure about solving the puzzle becomes more of a family game.n nn2. Trust That Your Needs Can Get MetnnDo you know what your needs are in an argument? Is that the same as what you want to have happen? In our book Respectful Parents- Respectful Kids we help you understand what we mean by a “need” and how this understanding can help you.nnOnce you know what your needs are, you can take daily actions to fulfill them. The surprising benefit will be that you will show your family a less reactive side of yourself. From this calmer position your children will learn to trust that their needs will also be met.nnOnce all family members understand “needs” you and your children will stop being on opposite sides and work together.nnn3. Know That Recognizing Needs Will Lead to SolutionsnnThe world is full of ways to meet needs. Conflict occurs when you and your child or any two or more people, lose sight of this fact and believe there is only “my way or the highway.”nnIf the family game becomes “How can we all get our needs met?” then lots of ideas start to form. Of course along the way feelings of impatience or fear may come up as you learn together, but if you remember it is a puzzle to solve, soon it be like riding a bike; you know how to do it each time you get on. nnn4. Hold the Intention To Connect and Co-operatennIn times when fear and heightened emotions have a hold on you, the farthest thing from your mind will probably be choosing to connect and co-operate!nnThat is why it is important to set this intention during times of calm and review the three choices we have outlined in Respectful Parents – Respectful Kids:nna. You can decide you want to be right and get your own way no matter what.nnHas this worked for you in the past? Have you noticed that such a choice often leads to more fighting, pouting, someone storming off, or hurtful words being said?nnb. You can ignore it and hope it goes away.nnWhen you hold a past history of avoiding conflict as a way to deal or adopting an “ignore and it will go away” motto, sometimes things do sort themselves out, but more often than not the same old battles come back even bigger.nnc. You can hold the intention to connect and co-operate.nnThe intention to connect and co-operate moves you from the “my way or the highway” or “I’ll just ignore it”, to wanting to understand everyone’s needs in the situation and seeing everyone’s needs are important.nnMaking this choice allows all of the family to come out feeling good and with confidence that conflict is just a puzzle to be solved!nnn5. Battle Zone No More!nnKnowing that the No-Fault Zone is just as available to you as the Battle Zone helps to reduce the fear that conflict will always turn ugly.nnJust remember that such a place exists if you change direction. To do this follow our four quick suggestions:nn(1) Hit the Pause Button and stop doing anything you’ll regret later.nn(2) Do what you need to regain calm: take deep breaths, go for a walk, drink a glass of water.nn(3) Connect with your Feelings and Needs. If you are angry, take time to identify the anger-producing thoughts.nn(4) Re-establish Your Intention to Connect and Co-operate.nnnSeeing conflict a different way, learning about needs, knowing that understanding everyone’s needs will lead to solutions and knowing you have three choices in a conflict, are the beginning steps to your kids being happy and healthy AND living with you in a more peaceful home!