5 Ways to Make Communication More Successful

A lot of research studies, as well as anecdotal evidence, point to communication as being one of the keys to a successful marriage. However, lots of couples just aren't sure how to improve upon their communication.

People aren't born either being a good communicator or not. It’s a skill. It requires practice and hard work. It's well-worth the effort however, as it can greatly improve a couple's relationship.

1. Listen More tha
You Speak

Listening is often underrated and oversimplified. Simply remaining quiet while your spouse talks doesn't constitute listening. Instead, it's important to be an active listener.

Most people have more trouble paying attention to what their spouse is saying than they'd like to admit. Sometimes people are distracted by other things or their mind is wandering. And other times, they are simply preparing what they want to say next.

Make a concerted effort to really hear what your spouse has to say and it can reduce a lot of misunderstanding and conflict. Provide your partner with proof you are paying attention. Maintain eye contact, offer a nod of the head, and an occasional "uh-huh."

Ask questions to ensure you clarify any information you don't quite understand. Use reflective listening to double-check that you really understand what your partner is trying to communicate. Say, "Just so I'm clear, you are frustrated that money has been tight but you are having difficulty picking up extra hours at work so you want me to cancel the cable bill?" Try not to prepare your response until you've shown your spouse that you truly understand what has been said.

2. Identify Barriers to Communication

Take a look at the barriers to your communication efforts. Really examine what gets in the way of talking more often and really discussing in-depth topics. Each couple is different when it comes to barriers to communication, but there are some common problems.

Technology can actually be a communication barrier in a couple of different ways. Attempting to communicate via text message or email proves to be difficult at times due to the inability to recognize the tone behind the message. It can lead to a lot of misunderstanding and unnecessary arguments.

Technology can also be a barrier when people can't seem to unplug from their devices. Repeated text messages, social media posts, emails and phone calls can certainly make it difficult for some people to really be present with their spouse. Even date night or private time together can become quickly interrupted.

Sometimes barriers include less tangible problems. One person's temper may make it nearly impossible to hold a conversation about a delicate subject. Or another person's unmet mental health needs, such as depression, can make it difficult to communicate effectively.

Work with your spouse on problem-solving how to deal with these barriers to communication. Develop a plan to help you overcome them. Sometimes simply recognizing the problem can go a long way to finding a solution.

3. Set Aside Time to Talk

It may seem obvious, but many couples just don't set aside time to talk. By the time the kids are in bed, many people zone out in front of the television or spend the rest of the evening in separate rooms working in a computer or doing chores. Other couples work opposite shifts or just don't create opportunities to spend quality time together.

I's important to examine the quality of the time you have to talk. Shouting back and forth from one room to the next doesn't usually lead to quality conversation. Couples with busy schedules may need to actually schedule time to talk with one another.

A weekly date night is always a good idea. Getting out of the house, even if it is just to go for a walk, a drive in the car or out to dinner can be an excellent way to fuel conversation. A change in scenery can be helpful for couples who struggle to really focus on one another when there are dishes piled up in the sink or a laptop with unanswered emails.

Also, pay attention to what you talk about. It can be easy for couples to get stuck in a rut where they just talk about money, the kids, and day-to-day activities. Remember, to talk about things you are passionate about, goals you want to reach and other topics that will remind you of why you fell in love in the first place.

4. Be Direct In Your Communication

Sending a clear message in a direct manner is important. Beating around the bush or hinting just doesn't work well most of the time and can lead to hurt feelings and misunderstanding. Find ways to be direct, yet tactful in your message.

When a couple uses direct communication there's less of a need to try and "read between the lines," which is something that gets many couples in trouble. Instead, when one spouse can clearly state, "I really don’t want to go to your mother’s house tonight but I know it is important to you," it can open the door to a discussion. On the contrary, pretending to have a headache or saying, "I was thinking, we should go visit my sister tonight instead," just doesn't open the door to honest and open communication.