Depression can have a huge impact on a marriage. Depression can sometimes respond to treatment, in the form of medication or therapy. However, it can have a huge impact on a marriage in the meantime.
Marriage counseling can be effective in helping couples work together when depression strikes. A team approach is sometimes most effective because people with depression need support.
1. Depressed People Lack Energy
When people feel depressed, they don’t feel like doing anything. Household responsibilities often get neglected. Bills may go unpaid and dishes might not get done. Depression makes everything seem more difficult.
Sometimes people struggle to go to work and other times, they struggle to get out of bed when they’re feeling depressed. They may appear “lazy” or simply unmotivated to do anything.
Marriage often becomes low on the priority list. Sometimes people with depression feel like they barely have enough energy to get through the day. Therefore, doing nice things for a spouse or spending quality time together is likely to be last on the list and the marriage can suffer as a result.
2. Depression Leads to Behavioral Changes
When people feel depressed, they behave differently. They often stop doing things they once enjoyed. A depressed person may give up a previously enjoyable activity, such as playing golf or going for walks. Instead, they may be more likely to stay home.
Depression also causes people to want to isolate themselves. Socializing can feel like a chore and people with depression tend to withdraw. They may avoid family outgoings and refuse to attend any social events. The non-depressed spouse may feel frustrated about having to attend social gatherings alone.
In the worst case scenarios, depressed people may even become suicidal. Suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts can certainly wreak havoc on a relationship. People with severe depression may require intensive treatment, such as inpatient hospitalizations.
3. Depression Causes Irritability
Depression doesn’t always just look like sadness. It can certainly cause a lot of irritability as well. A depressed spouse may have a quick temper and a short fuse.
Sometimes people with depression yell or say rude things that they wouldn’t normally say. Depression can cause a person to struggle to handle small stressors and minor inconveniences as well. It can be hurtful and confusing to the non-depressed spouse.
4. Depression Can Decrease Libido
Changes in sexual desire and sexual activity are common too. Usually, when people feel depressed their libido quickly decreases. This change in physical intimacy can certainly lead to other marital problems if it goes unaddressed.
5. Non-Depressed Spouses Struggle to Deal with Changes
The non-depressed spouse is often left feeling confused and frustrated. It can be hard to live with someone who is depressed. Sometimes it can drag the non-depressed spouse down too.
Sometimes people take it personally. For example, a spouse might think, “If you loved me, you’d be happy.” However, this isn’t always true. Even people who are happy with their lives are vulnerable to depression.
The non-depressed spouse is also likely to have to take on the majority of the responsibility. It can lead to a lot of anger and resentment when the depressed spouse sits on the couch watching TV and the other spouse is doing all the cooking, cleaning and parenting.
It can be helpful for the non-depressed spouse to seek support. Talking to a counselor or attending a support group can be very helpful in providing people with the emotional support they need to deal with the extra stress.
6. Medication Has Side Effects
Anti-depressant medication isn’t guaranteed to work. It can have some negative side effects too. A lack of sexual desire is a common side effect of anti-depressant medication which can certainly lead to marital problems.
Disagreements between spouses can often arise regarding medication issues. The non-depressed spouse may offer reminders to take medication which may be viewed as nagging. The depressed spouse may not want to take medication due to the side effects or may forget to take it altogether.
7. Depression Changes a Person’s Thoughts
Depression leads to changes in brain chemistry. People who are depressed begin to think differently and view the world differently. When people feel depressed, they tend to dwell on the negative and predict doom and gloom.
Instead of recalling happy memories about the marriage, a depressed person may recall injustices from the past. Also, depressed people may tend to be more sensitive and may be suspicious, jealous or just plain indifferent about the marriage.
Seeking Professional Help
If you suspect that you or your spouse is depressed, talk to your doctor. Sometimes underlying medical conditions or hormonal changes can contribute to depression.
Also, consider professional counseling. Even if your spouse won’t go with you, attending counseling can be helpful to the health of your marriage. Non-depressed spouses can benefit from learning more about depression and people with depression often experience symptom relief from talk therapy.