"Experiences From 'The Flow'(14) - Farang: Tipping the Scales. Good Or Bad?"

n“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”nn*Below is the fourteenth episode in a series of real life events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – the Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008.nnIn “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (13) …,” we continued the process of examining your present (or future) relationship by Prioritizing the items on Your List as “V” (Vital) or “I” (Important), Ranking, and Pruning through a few Reality Checks.nnIn this article, we continue the process with: Weighing the Pluses and Minuses.nn(Quick aside: Note to my readers)nnMy Friends: nnLast month - in a rare instance of acquiescence, instead of publishing my usual, large sized (over 2,000 words) articles, I began submitting a series of smaller, medium-sized articles.nnThese new, smaller articles are aimed at those who want to easily read them quickly.nnWhat do you think? Do you prefer a series of short articles? Or were you happier with the previous format (i.e., a smaller number of longer articles)?nnFeel free to e-mail your comments (address at the end of this article) to me about this issue (article size); or on any other subject you’d like to see in my writing.nnRegards,nnCarl “J.C.” Pantejonn- Acknowledging Diversity -nnI acknowledge the fact that Western/Asian relationships don’t always consist of a Western Man and an Asian Woman. There are many Western Woman/Asian Man relationships, as well as Man/Man and Woman/Woman couples out there.nnBut, since the overwhelming majority of Western/Asian couples are composed of a Western Man and an Asian Woman, this article addresses their issues and assumes that they are the primary audience for the information submitted below.nn- Quick Review -nnIn “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) …,” we discussed one of the two main reasons why relationships fail: Miscommunication.nnNext, in “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (12) …,” we began discussing the second main reason for relationship failure: Incompatibility. We ended up with Your List of needs and desires.nnThen, in “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (13) …,” we continued the process by Prioritizing the items on Your List as “V” (Vital) or “I” (Important). Furthermore, we ranked the items and, as a result of a couple of a few reality checks, pruned Your List.nnIn this article, we continue the process with: Weighing the Pluses and Minuses.nn- Current Status of Your List -nnLook at Your List.nnIt should be prioritized (classified) into “V” (Vital) and “I” (Important) items. The items should be ranked (numbered) – in the order of significance to you – against each other. They should contain humanly achievable items and be free of conflicting, mutually exclusive items.nnFurthermore, you have identified which items you are getting and not getting from your partner.nnLastly, Your List should have a (+) or (-) beside each item according to the following criteria:nnPlus (+) items:nn1. You are now getting it from your partner. AND believe that this is not a temporary thing (i.e., you think you’ll get this need fulfilled or desire met for a long time).n2. You are not getting an item, BUT she is willing to learn how to give it to you AND you are willing to wait for her.nnMinus (-) items:nn1. You are not getting it from your partner AND she is not capable of giving it to you, nor is she willing to learn.n2. You are not getting it from your partner; she is willing to learn how to give it to you, BUT you are not willing to wait for her.nn- Good (Positives/Pluses) vs. Bad (Negatives/Minuses) -nnIt’s time to weigh the Pluses against the Minuses. We will now put them on an imaginary “Satisfaction Scale” and see if the scales tip toward Compatibility or Incompatibility.nnNote: Before you begin weighing the Pluses and Minuses on Your List, you must decide how much value you will ascribe to your “V” items vs. “I” items.nnTo keep things simple, I like to give “V” items a weight (score) of “2”; while the “I” items have a weight (score) of “1”.nnThis means that “V” items are doubly significant to me than “I” items.nnYou may be different. If your “V” items are triple in significance to your “I” items, give the “V” items a weight of “3” and the “I” items a “1”, etc.nnOkay, here we go.nnGive all the “V” items the appropriate score (weight measurement). In my case, they would be “2” beside each “V” item.nnNow look at the “I” items. Give all “I” items your appropriate score (weight measurement). In my case, they would be “1”.nnHow many “V” Pluses do you have?nnMultiply that number by your assigned score.nnFor example, if you have 10 “V” Plus items, the equation should be something like this: 10 (Number of “V” Plus items) x 2 (weight of “V” items) = 20 V(+).nn- WARNING, WARNING, WARNING! -nnDo you have any “V” Minus items?nnThat is, the item is prioritized as a “V” (Vital, can’t live without) item AND:nn1. You are not getting it - a “V” (Vital, can’t live without it!) item - from your partner AND she is not capable of giving it to you, nor is she willing to learn.n2. You are not getting it - a “V” (Vital, absolutely need it!) item - from your partner; she is willing to learn how to give it to you, BUT you are not willing to wait for her.nnIf so, here’s my advice: Don’t pursue (or continue) the relationship! nnDiscontinue the relationship and stop this process, BUT KEEP YOUR LIST.nnUse Your List, to restart this process with your next prospective partner.nnLet me emphasize this again: In my experience, no interpersonal relationship can succeed when one person is chronically deprived of a vital - an absolutely must have/can’t live without - need or desire.nnSo, again, heed this WARNING: If you have a V(-) item, avoid exposure to it! You will automatically prevent a host of personal (and sometimes, professional) problems.nn‘nuff said.nn- Back to Weighing -nnStill with me?nnLet’s charge on.nnWeigh the “I” items on Your List. Calculate the score (using the appropriate, less weight of “I” items)n nFirst, find out what the weight (score) of all your “I” Pluses are.nnSimilar to calculating V(+) items, if you have 10 “I” Plus items, the equation should be something like this: 10 (Number of “I” Plus items) x 1 (weight of “I” items) = 10 I(+).nnDo the same for your “I” (Important) Minus (-) items. nnAdd V(+) and I(+).nnPut that sum on the (+) “Compatibility” side of your “Satisfaction Scale.”nnPut that weight on the I(-) “Incompatibility” side of your “Satisfaction Scale.”nnWhat does your “Satisfaction Scale” look like now?nnIs it balanced?nnDoes the scale tip (slightly or overtly) toward one side?nnWhat do you think? Compatible or Incompatible?nnHold that picture in your mind.nnIt may (or may not) be obvious to you by now.nnThink you’re finished? Far from it.nnIf you stop now - thinking that you have it all down pat, your robbing yourself of the last, most important steps (i.e., Interpretation of Your Results, Identifying Acceptable Conditions: Alternate Views of Satisfaction, Individual Relationship Philosophies, etc.).nnWe begin interpreting Your Results in the next article. In it, I explain why Neutral Relationships (i.e., Your Scale is balanced, no movement) are better left alone.nn(Continued in “Experiences from ‘The Flow’(15) - Farang: Interpretation of Your Results.”)nn“Until next time, find ‘The Flow’ and jump in!”nnYour Friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,nnCarl “J.C.” PantejonnFarang, Asia, relationship, vital, important, pluses, minuses, compatibility, satisfaction, scale, needs, desires. nnNote: If you want to read more about Asian and Western cultural differences, finding unconditional love, exorcising past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:nn“Experiences from ‘The Flow’: From Heartbreak to Happiness”nn“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (2): Coincidence or Synchronicity: FROM RELAPSE TO MIRACLES...”nn“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (3): LOST AND FOUND - Kindred Spirits and Mistakes made in Haste.”nn“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (4): LOST AND FOUND – Meant to Be?”nn“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (5): “The Stray”nn“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (6): “New Beginnings, Old Endings”nn“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (7) - Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Myth”nn“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (8) Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Reality, Stupidity, and Hard Knocks.”nn“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (9): New Girlfriend, New Life.”nn“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (10): Farangs and Asians – Polarized Views.”nn“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) - Farangs: In (or considering) a long-term Western/Asian Relationship? Read This Now!nn“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (12) - Farang: Square Peg, Round Hole? Compatibility Issues.”nn“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (13) - Farang: Compatibility Issues II”nn“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”nn“Remember Who You Are!”nn“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”n n(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)nnBy Carl “J.C.” Pantejo, Copyright February 2008nn(Author “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)nnPantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com