A Brief Look at Betrayal

Nobody expects it will happen to them, and that's part of the problem. At least it's that belief, that trust, that takes the hardest blow when the news of infidelity blows its cold chill along the corridors.

It's the crushing of one's trust, and core beliefs that brings about the intital shock, and the shock is great indeed. Here, we are not talking about surprise, but the same kind of shock akin to a severe accident or unexpected bereavement of a close family member.

It can takes weeks, months, or even longer to simply accept that such a thing could happen to us. Amdist the shock will be a great desire to know all the details, the who, the when, the where, the how long etc.

Slowly, very slowly, reality sinks in, and it sinks in with great pain and sadness. This is often followed by anger and humiliation. The anger is understandable, but one may be surprised to learn of the humiliation, for it is not they who have committed adultery.

But, for the betrayed, there is a sense of not being in the loop, that things have been spoken without their knowledge, and that in this sense there is a tendency to feel foolish and humiliated.

It's advisable to lose the humiliation as quickly as possible, for you have nothing to be ashamed of. There is not shame in being honest and trusting, and in fact, these are rather good qualities. Just because those qualities have been abused, doesn't mean they are not good qualities. On the contrary, it is the cheater that should feel a sense of shame, for they have broken and abused those very noble qualitites.

As couples first discuss the infidelity, it will be exceptionally difficult to avoid careering into blame and accusations. At this time, a coucellor would be most welcome, for they will bring some much-needed objectivity to the discussions.

Likewise, there are numerous good books available today, and more recently hypnotherapy recordings as aids to recovery. The road to recovery will very likely take many, many months, and the degree of improvement will be almost unnoticed.

This, of course, assumes that the couple are even prepared to attempt for reconciliation, because there are many instances where the very act of infidelity is enough to file for divorce.

Either way, there will be pain, and almost without exception it will be the betrayed that will have the greatest amount of work to do. Still, at such turning points, such hardships, that extraordinary character can be built. Those who have been betrayed, may come to see it as the their greatest challenge, and one from which they may yet rise triumphant.