A Closer Look at Online Infidelity

Infidelity has always existed, even before the Internet. It’s an age-old problem, but online communication has afforded an easier way for married people to have deeply-involved, real-time relationships with people they have never actually met. As the number of households with internet access increases, more and more couples are likely to suffer from this problem. But what really is online infidelity? Online cheating occurs when two people participate in online communication that is outside the scope of appropriate behaviour, even if they haven’t met in real life. According to recent studies, it doesn’t necessarily involve sex but it can always lead to physical cheating.

Communicating intimately with someone other than your spouse or committed partner is considered betrayal. Private information, or anything that you would normally be discussing with your spouse such as sex, insecurities, and feelings should never be brought up in chat rooms or email with someone else. However, every person has his/her own perception of cheating. Some people believe that it only occurs when sex (physical affair) is involved, while another may believe that sharing secrets and being intimate with somebody online (other than the spouse) is just as serious as the physical kind. Warning signs of online infidelity are as follows: He/she has an email address that you don’t know about, or having multiple emails that you don’t have any access to.

Your spouse spends too much time in an online chat room. He/she will stay up until late at night or until the wee hours of the morning glued to the computer. The computer eats up a lot of his/her time, and it becomes more important than the family or your relationship. As soon as you enter the room, your spouse shuts down the computer. He/she seems uncomfortable going online when you’re around, and would rather chat in private. He/she is often unavailable at work, or is always on “overtime”. Your spouse may also leave early or stay late in the office in order to have privacy when going online.

You feel that you are often lied to, and he/she gets defensive when you ask about his/her activities outside of the house. Changes in daily behaviour are also common, such as moodiness, lack of attention to work or the kids. He/she might even pick fights and argue with you more often as well as getting upset over trivial things. When confronted about cheating, he/she would rather not talk about it. There are unexplainable receipts in his/her wallet, or payments in his/her bank statements or worse, there could be a separate bank account that you don’t know about. Another telltale sign is his/her increasing secrecy with the phone.

There will be lengthy incoming calls at odd hours, or when you pick up the phone the caller suddenly disconnects. Your spouse may also purchase a calling card, and when you press the redial button after he/she made a call, you get through to somebody unfamiliar. Your spouse starts to take a bath more often and is more conce
ed with how he/she looks. The spouse may attempt to keep fit, go shopping for new clothes, or change his/her hairstyle. He/she can become uninterested in having sex with you OR there is a sudden increase in sexual desire. Giving you lavish gifts (jewels, cashmere sweater, even a new car) or even just flowers, which is something that he/she doesn’t usually do can be an indication that he/she feels guilty of something.

Being in a secure love, honest and loving relationship is the main source of security, emotional safety and comfort for most people. Infidelity easily destroys the special bond that a couple has. Taking control of the situation as fast as possible may just save a couple’s relationship or marriage from being destroyed quickly.