Building a New Life After Divorce

Divorce can leave a person devastated and broken. It is a major, life-changing event that could shatter your heart into pieces. Accepting the fact that everything just isn’t the same anymore, especially for those who didn’t see it coming, may be a little too hard. Having to deal all alone with issues like children, money, career changes and downsizing the family income can be overwhelming, and is enough to make one ask: Is there life after divorce? Is it possible to move on to a better life? The answer is yes- but of course it’s up to you. With a lot of hard work and adopting the right attitude, one can go a long way towards learning how to survive.

Here are some ways to help you regain some control over the situation: Letting go is hard, but it is a process that one has to go through immediately after divorce. There will be doubts and stumbling blocks along the way for sure, but time will come when you’ll be able to look back and remember that this marriage was just one of the things that you did once. During this difficult time, develop a support network including your family and friends, therapist, parenting groups or your church. Pamper yourself: read that book that you have always wanted to read but never found time to do so, take a long, luxurious bath, keep a regular exercise routine and eat healthy.

Live a lifestyle that promotes feelings of good self-worth and surround yourself with people you trust. Identify your strengths and weaknesses, and use them to move you in a new and positive direction. Be at peace with yourself. There are problems that one can solve, and there are problems beyond one’s control. Identify those that you have control over, focus on it and let go of the rest. The quality of life we experience is based on the emotions that we feel. Whether positive or negative, feeling a rush of emotions is normal. Deal with those feelings and let out the negative ones without doing anything destructive to yourself and to those around you.

These feelings won’t last forever. Sometimes it’s good to just let yourself wallow in them. Have some fun. Laugh and play with your kids. Try to create pleasant memories that they will bring with them for the rest of their lives with confidence, happiness and self-esteem. No matter how hard, focus on the present instead of moping and crying and the “if-only’s”. Be a good example to your children during these difficult times. Get on with your life. Healing from feelings of loss takes time, but its well worth it. Identify the problems that led to divorce, learn a lesson from it but leave it behind.

Forgive yourself and your spouse and try to develop a positive attitude. What’s done is done, but you can always look at the brighter side and learn to adapt. Remember: it’s not going to be like this forever. You can reinvent your life just as the others have done, but you don’t have to do it all in one day.