Many people walk through life making career, relationship, and other life decisions in response or in reaction to others around them. This is an extremely toxic way of living because these people will never live based on their own life designs. If you never realize that you are following this pattern, it is possible that you will live the majority of your life at the mercy of others—never really doing what you want to do, and possibly never even knowing what it is you actually want out of life.nnAsk yourself these questions:nn1. Would people describe me as a mystery or complicated?n2. Do people walk all over me at work? In my family? In my relationships?n3. Do I make it clear to those around me what I expect from them through either my words or my actions?n4. Do people often misinterpret what I mean?n5. Am I all talk and no action?nnIf you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are missing some personal boundaries in one or more areas of your life. nnFor instance, Veronica (whose name was changed for privacy) is a very strong and self-assured person—she is on the fast track at the technology company where she works. People know what and what not to ask of her as well as what to expect of her. She has a great relationship with her supervisor, and Veronica’s coworkers respect her. The rules are very clear at her job, and there is clarity and little confusion. It’s a perfect setting for a work environment, and that is why Veronica thrives there. nnBut follow Veronica after work into her personal life, and she isn’t as clear about her boundaries. Veronica was in a relationship with a man 10 years her senior and allowed him to set the boundaries for the both of them. Veronica had never told or shown him what her personal relationship boundaries were but was shocked when he picked up another woman for a ménage à trois while they were both out at a bar. nnWhat’s even more interesting, Veronica said nothing and assumed that her boyfriend would figure out that he was hurting and embarrassing her and then drop the whole thing. Of course, he didn’t make that realization; the fact that she said nothing and allowed the woman to come home with them was a green light in his mind. He only realized what a huge mistake he had made when Veronica couldn’t take it any longer and exploded both emotionally and physically. She started pushing the woman out of the house, then packed her things and left in a fury. This was when she reached out for some professional help and began to learn the concept of recognizing and then communicating what her personal boundaries are within a relationship.nnAfter Veronica answered the five questions listed earlier and assessed her answers, she began to see that she had always had personal boundaries but never effectively communicated them to any of her boyfriends because she always assumed that they “should know” based on who she was as a person. What a falsity! Most people are not mind readers—especially men! We had to change Veronica’s way of thinking; we taught her to use some of the positive communication skills she had gained from her work environment and apply them to her personal life.nnWhile her current relationship couldn’t be salvaged based on such huge sexuality differences, she began seriously seeing a new man, with whom she did set personal and relationship boundaries. With him, she:nnmade it clear that she was looking for a monogamous relationship; nexpressed what the rules were for people interacting with her pets;ncommunicated that her patience for lateness had its limits;nverbalized clearly that physical or emotional abuse was nonnegotiable and unacceptable;n…and a couple of other, smaller things. The end result was that this new man in her life was clear about what she would and would not accept and, of course, would learn more as their relationship progressed. There were things she may not have said to him in the beginning but that he would learn as new situations arose. nnVeronica no longer feared that setting personal boundaries in her relationship would scare men away. In fact, it was empowering for her to say to men, “Hey, this is who I am—either accept me, or don’t.” She took the power back and, consequently, is involved in a much more reciprocal and rewarding relationship. nnWhile this may seem an extreme example to some, it can be applied to almost any situation and any relationship because the bottom line is that many people will test your limits, especially if they don’t know what your limits are and how far they reach. nnI advise people to assume that the people in their lives are clueless! We tend to give the people we love way more benefit of the doubt than they deserve. You need to spell things out. Make them clear. And do not avoid setting your personal boundaries and limitations because you are afraid of what comes next. You have one life and once chance to live it according to your personal truth. If you do that, you will live a life more rewarding than you can imagine—no matter what so-called opportunity, job, relationship, or friend you lose along the way.nnHomework Assignment: Get your favorite drink from the fridge, sit at the kitchen table, and write out a list of 10 rules, limits, or boundaries you would like to live by in your life. Do it now, before you get distracted. Set your boundaries today!nn** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life”, visit
http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways2.html.