Dating Do's and Don'ts After Divorce

Heal First, Then Date.

Yes, while you were married you probably thought of public speaking as the most frightening activity you could attempt. The very thought of a crowd of strangers looking at you, listening to how you speak, making judgments about who you are and what you know, caused the average marriage partner to freeze in panic. You watched others speak publically, and probably thought.."Man oh man, better them than me".

Then you got divorced, and at some point you realized that you were expected to date. Your face went pale, you experienced cold sweats, and you swore you'd be willing to speak to angry crowds rather than go through dating again.

After all, dating couldn't be like it was way back when, right? It was sort of easy back then. We came together easily, and we parted ways easily. but now? Me? Date? OMG.

The truth is, is that it hasn't really changed. At least the people haven't changed much. Most of them are the same ones you grew up around and experienced all those similar experiences with. Yes, the periphery has changed, but we're basically still the same.

What you'll find below is a compilation of two lists. Dating "Do's" that suggest what to place importance on, and "Don'ts", obviously thoughts and activities that can be obstacles to successfully making friends. Remember one thing in all this. You're looking to engage a subset of people in order to find one or more that share your interests, beliefs or activities. Most won't fit quite right. Some will. Just make friends. Most people are looking for friends too.

There's some controversy about when one should begin the dating process. That answer will be found in your personal beliefs and ability to recover from trauma. Some believe that, for religious reasons, a person should not date until the ink is dry on a divorce decree. Your state's laws may support the notion that any dating while legally married is adultery. Make sure you check your state's laws. Others believe you should date once you've emotionally healed from the loss of a love. There is a body of thinking that suggests that in order to figure how long it will take you to heal, you should take the number of married years and divide by two. This author recognizes that healing begins when it does, which can include before or during a divorce separation, and for some, that healing can be complete before the final gavel on the divorce. Everyone is different. Once you're indifferent to what the ex does and says, you're healed.

During your divorce, you were concerned with child custody, divorce laws, child support, , alimony, separation, legally separated, divorce recovery, advice, statutes, divorce settlement, family law, recovery, divorce articles, legal, visitation, fathers rights, marital separation, annulment, parental alienation, healing, spiritual, lawyers, grounds for divorce, mediation, divorce support, adultery, counseling, common law, grandparents rights and more. Now its time for the new you.nn*Meet your date in a public place. This should always be the case, especially if the meeting results from getting to know someone on-line. nn*If you are the guy, be sure to have the date planned out. You would have already suggested a place to go together. Surprises can make the woman very uneasy. nn*Be attentive to your date. Be engaged. be interested. Surely the time between speaking with your date last, and your date now, created some additional interest. It's okay to talk about yourself some, but don't be boorish. nn*If you are the man, be chivalrous. Yes, open the door for her, hold her seat as she gets seated (the chair, silly, the chair), and be prepared to order for her if it's dining. nn*If you're the woman, you might offer to pay for the outing when the date is originally discussed, or perhaps make it Dutch. If he insists on paying (and most will), accept that and don't make a big deal about paying during the date. Instead, if you feel obliged, think of something (an ice cream cone) that you can pay for. nn*Crack some jokes. If you don't know any, go on-line. Be funny. Funny is charming. be tasteful, of course. No dirty jokes. nn*Be flexible. Life throws us curves, and you may need to select another place to go, or dine at. This should be an adventure. Explore. Observe. Observe how you interact with your date. Were you nervous? What did you like? Would you change anything? nn*During conversation, don't get too far ahead of yourself. If your date hears you naming his future children, or planning the garden you will share with him, he may get skittish. nn*Be genuine, and be complimentary. If there's something about your date that you particularly like, say so. (Avoid staring at her chest if you tell her you like her dress). Even if there isn't anything striking, compliment her nice appearance. nn*Take a break and view the following YouTube for ideas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhLcONtNkewnn*When you are out on a date, be OUT. Only one conversation with your children, and be sure to shut off your cell phone. You can impress her that Obama is calling another time. nn*Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Do this on your date, and if you haven't started yet, do this until you die. It will serve you well. nn*If your date is important, treat that person so. If your date is not important, what the heck are you doing there? Be on time, call if late, and show respect for your date's time. nn*Look your best. Wear appropriate clothes for the venue. For God's sake shave. Don't put on too much cologne or perfume. Your date won't be impressed that you buy it buy the gallon. nn*Pay attention to body language, because your date likely is. face your date when speaking, and make eye contact. Smile. Don't map your date's face too much with your eyes, because that can give your date the idea you want to skip dessert and really go for the dessert.nn*For men, be sure to get your date to her door after the date. Make sure she's safe when you leave her. nn*Remember that you may have to kiss alot of frogs before one turns into a Prince. It's a numbers game. You wouldn't expect to find a dear friend without meeting many that couldn't be that good friend, right? nn*If a relationship is meant to last forever, you have time. Don't rush into intimacy, shared toothbrushes or a pet dog before the time is right. nn*Think of it this way. The last time you saw a picture of yourself from many years ago, you thought: Wow, I wasn't nearly as fat as I imagined back then. Now imagine taking a picture today, and looking at it in 20 years. You look marvelous, darling :-)

Dating Don'ts- This stuff is like Poison nn*Meet your date in a public place. This should always be the case, especially if the meeting results from getting to know someone on-line.
*If you are the guy, be sure to have the date planned out. You would have already suggested a place to go together. Surprises can make the woman very uneasy.
*Be attentive to your date. Be engaged. be interested. Surely the time between speaking with your date last, and your date now, created some additional interest. It's okay to talk about yourself some, but don't be boorish.
*If you are the man, be chivalrous. Yes, open the door for her, hold her seat as she gets seated (the chair, silly, the chair), and be prepared to order for her if it's dining.
*If you're the woman, you might offer to pay for the outing when the date is originally discussed, or perhaps make it Dutch. If he insists on paying (and most will), accept that and don't make a big deal about paying during the date. Instead, if you feel obliged, think of something (an ice cream cone) that you can pay for.
*Crack some jokes. If you don't know any, go on-line. Be funny. Funny is charming. be tasteful, of course. No dirty jokes.
*Be flexible. Life throws us curves, and you may need to select another place to go, or dine at. This should be an adventure. Explore. Observe. Observe how you interact with your date. Were you nervous? What did you like? Would you change anything?
*During conversation, don't get too far ahead of yourself. If your date hears you naming his future children, or planning the garden you will share with him, he may get skittish.
*Be genuine, and be complimentary. If there's something about your date that you particularly like, say so. (Avoid staring at her chest if you tell her you like her dress). Even if there isn't anything striking, compliment her nice appearance.
*Take a break and view the following YouTube for ideas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhLcONtNkewn*When you are out on a date, be OUT. Only one conversation with your children, and be sure to shut off your cell phone. You can impress her that Obama is calling another time.
*Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Do this on your date, and if you haven't started yet, do this until you die. It will serve you well.
*If your date is important, treat that person so. If your date is not important, what the heck are you doing there? Be on time, call if late, and show respect for your date's time.
*Look your best. Wear appropriate clothes for the venue. For God's sake shave. Don't put on too much cologne or perfume. Your date won't be impressed that you buy it buy the gallon.
*Pay attention to body language, because your date likely is. face your date when speaking, and make eye contact. Smile. Don't map your date's face too much with your eyes, because that can give your date the idea you want to skip dessert and really go for the dessert.
*For men, be sure to get your date to her door after the date. Make sure she's safe when you leave her.
*Remember that you may have to kiss alot of frogs before one turns into a Prince. It's a numbers game. You wouldn't expect to find a dear friend without meeting many that couldn't be that good friend, right?
*If a relationship is meant to last forever, you have time. Don't rush into intimacy, shared toothbrushes or a pet dog before the time is right.
*Think of it this way. The last time you saw a picture of yourself from many years ago, you thought: Wow, I wasn't nearly as fat as I imagined back then. Now imagine taking a picture today, and looking at it in 20 years. You look marvelous, darling :-)