I had spent the better part of a week in a sleep-deprived delirium brought on by a vicious little souvenir (aka respiratory infection) I had carted home from a recent vacation. I had tried every known natural remedy to stave it off—from homeopathic elixirs to Chinese herbal tonics and from aromatherapy immersion to megadoses of vitamin everything, all to no avail. nnI graduated to nightly Nyquil benders and holed up in the guest bedroom to spare my husband from the incessant hacking. I moved into the psychological realm to attack the little lung invaders from the inside out, resorting to positive psychology, then to reverse psychology, and then to what I can only describe as disturbingly abnormal psychology to convince my mind to heal my lungs. When none of that worked, I succumbed to anger, resentment, and extreme bouts of dramatic self-pity, none of which seemed to make a difference in my situation (go figure). nnSo, on my husband’s sane advice, I dragged myself into my physician’s office the next day, fatigued beyond recognition and ready for Western medicine to free me from my immune-compromised prison. But, of course, during the height of cold and flu season, everyone else had the same idea. As such, I sat in the waiting room for the better part of 45 minutes and did what everyone does in a waiting room: I waited. And coughed. And waited. And coughed. And . . . well, you get the picture. . . nnI sat there, sleep-deprived, rationality-impaired, and most uncomfortable due to the unfortunate dislodging of major body organs from my hacking cough. I was completely overcome by frustration. I imagined the assertive manner (read: menacing and aggressive) in which I could share my disdain with the physician who had kept me waiting while my very life hung in the balance. I scripted a compelling and colorful response to the long wait, certain that he would nod in agreement, pound his fist on the exam table, and shout with conviction, “Things have got to change around here so we can heal the sick and comfort the downtrodden . . . and quickly!” nnWhat actually happened when the door opened was that I lost every nuance of my thoughtfully planned “waiting room efficiency” speech and lapsed into uncontrollable sobs interspersed with incoherent babble, such as “so tired . . . haven’t slept in a week . . . broke all the capillaries in my face . . . think I’m going to have an aneurysm.” The doctor looked at me with compassion and gently said, “Well, actually, if you already had an aneurism, maybe you would have burst it.” nnHis comment stopped me in my tracks. I was flabbergasted. I mean, here I am, looking like hell, blithering like a lunatic, and somehow it’s important for him to correct my description of my self-diagnosed, potentially fatal maladies? Who cares if I said I would have an aneurysm or burst an aneurysm? Isn’t it all just related to the fact that I have a rip-roaring headache and an out-of-control cough and need help? He smiled a sheepish grin, and we both laughed (well, he laughed, and I alternately giggled and gasped for oxygen). “Now,” he said, “let’s talk about what the problem is and see if we can fix it.” nnWhat I later realized is that this is exactly what I needed him to do—diffuse my frustration and help me step out of my self-imposed drama long enough to take some practical steps to improve my situation. What a novel concept! With an unexpected comment and a gentle dose of humor, that physician reprogrammed our entire experience and, fortunately, saved himself an earful of caustic remarks that bordered on both literary genius and verbal abuse. Lucky man. Even more importantly, though, he directed our mutual efforts toward the outcome I wanted to achieve—quite simply, to get healthier and feel better. I left his office armed with the medication and the renewed attitude I needed to do just that.nnAs with most incidents like this, it got me thinking that the simple act of dropping the drama is a strategy we can and should be practicing on a regular basis, whether with ourselves, our partners, our children, or anyone else. When we do this, problems are solved, frustration is lessened, and everyone wins. Consider these suggestions.n1.With yourself. Sometimes people allow their negative thinking to spin out of control like a blindfolded child whacking aimlessly at a runaway piñata. My experience with piñatas is that they’re a really inefficient way of securing treats, and they’re usually hazardous to everyone involved. The same holds true with irrational and unproductive thinking. Make the choice to remove your “awareness blindfold” and ask yourself what is really happening. Often, when you step back and look at a situation from a different angle, you see that it is far less dire than you originally thought. Then ask yourself, rather than just lamenting about it, what you can do to influence the situation, either through your thoughts or your actions. Both these questions will help you divert your attention away from the drama and toward constructive action. This is a modified version of Martin Seligman’s widely researched approach to Learned Optimism. By consciously choosing optimism and rationality over pessimism and helplessness, you’ll be amazed at how much you can accomplish.n2.With your partner. The foremost researchers in marital success, John and Julie Gottman, have found that one of the most important things you can do during a conflict with your partner is to avoid escalating it. One of the most effective ways to diffuse conflict and come to rational decisions or mutual understanding is to very simply choose to drop the drama. You can do this by taking a deep breath, committing yourself to simply listen without judgment for a period of time, or agreeing to take a break and come back to the conversation when you have both calmed down. By boycotting escalation, you will escape the drama long enough to focus on solutions rather than defensiveness or aggression.n3.With your children. Anyone who has lived with a toddler or a teenager (sometimes they feel like the same developmental stage) knows how hard it can be at times to drop the drama when you are dealing with kids. Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline, suggests that at times you can divert the drama by letting your children know that you want to listen to them and to help them feel better. Take a break from the push-pull cycle long enough to offer a hug, a moment of quiet reflection together, or an opportunity to listen to their emotions for a few moments in order to reduce tension. Then get back to working with them to come up with mutual solutions to whatever issue is at hand. As you empower them to express themselves and to be a part of resolving a concern, you effectively remove one element of the drama (the desire for control) that can undermine your best intentions. nThese strategies offer a simple rule of thumb—choose drama when you want entertainment and rationality when you want results. When in doubt, decide to drop the drama!nn** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life”, visit
http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways2.html.