Transitions: Finding Comfort In The Middle

Change occurs constantly. Things move so fast today, people cannot keep up. With every change, there is a process that occurs. The process is called transition and there are three stages: an ending, middle and a new beginning. These stages can happen separately or simultaneously. Depending upon the nature of the change, the stages can take minutes or years to get through. And when multiple changes occur concurrently, you can be in different stages associated with different changes.

Learn to understand these stages, acknowledge your feelings in each stage and fully experience the process for each transition you experience and you will take on no emotional baggage and leave no unfinished business to be dealt with later. By acknowledging and processing each transition, you create space to handle new changes. You’ll also struggle less as you move through the transition because you’ll have the tools to deal with transitions effectively.

Understanding Transitions
Some transitions are big like changing jobs, moving, starting/losing a business or an employee, getting married or divorced, having a child, the death of a loved one or a major change in health. During large transitions it’s helpful to obtain support from a coach to assist with clarity, focus, vision and forward movement. But many of the transitions you experience will be small and you’ll float through them quickly and unknowingly, like returning to work after vacation or even after lunch. Big or small, transitions can hold valuable lessons for you and if not addressed may come up again in another way until you learn the lesson that was meant for you.

After separating from her husband, one of my clients discussed feelings of being all over the place, feeling new things and having emotions arise that didn’t make sense. She felt sort of scattered and was not clear about who she was now that she had all of this newfound freedom. My client was in the middle.

The middle is the uncomfortable place where you are finished with what’s come before but haven’t quite started the new. It’s uncomfortable because it’s unclear and foggy. You may not have a good grasp of what opportunities are coming next but the door is closed (or closing) behind you. And this uncertainty is uncomfortable.

The middle is just the middle. It’s a place where you can easily find yourself frustrated, wishing something would happen. You want things to move faster or to materialize and the unknowing and your impatience causes you stress.

Acknowledge Your Feelings
Putting language around this stage was comforting for my client. Her feelings were validated and part of the natural process of making this type of life altering change. Understanding that, she could shift her attention to creating the life she wants for herself while acknowledging that right now and for years to come - however long it takes, she’s in this neutral place where things may not quite make sense.

Acknowledging and talking about your feelings is the way to healing. And it’s the way to getting through the middle with less effort and struggle. Moving through transition requires processing and healing. It may require grief over the loss or end of what has come before and it requires a new vision for the future (a new beginning).

Stay In The Now
Pushing doesn’t make this stage go any faster. Learning to let go and just be in the process, experiencing your feelings completely and trusting that the answers will come is the path to getting through the middle. This is often not an easy process because it requires letting go of control.

During the middle stage, resist the feeling that you have to do something to keep busy and muster up your patience. Relax and remain open to receive whatever is next for you. When the time is right, you will know exactly how to proceed. You need to trust in you. And if you look back at all of your successes, you will see how you have come through in the past.

What you can focus on during this middle stage is envisioning the results you want for the future. By focusing your energies on visioning what you want, you create an image that will pull you towards success. There is much less effort when you are being pulled than when you are pushing.

Coaching Challenge
Consider your life and business or career right now. Where are you struggling? Are there any transitions or changes you’d like to make or are making? What stage(s) are you in? Give yourself permission to experience your feelings and share them with someone. Trust that the answers will be revealed in good time if you are open to receive them.