Have You Become The Amazing Shrinking Woman?

“Women know a lot of things they don’t read in the newspapers. It’s pretty funny sometimes, how women know a lot of things and nobody can figure out how they know them.” - Meridel LeSueurnn“What a struggle it has been for us to repress our knowing for all these years… for all these centuries. We have ignored our own wisdom so that we fit more easily into the world around us.n nHow often have we kept our mouths shut at board meetings and staff meetings because sharing our knowledge would arouse a great hue and cry, or be completely ignored?nn“We have tried so hard to fit into a society that we did not create and to become acceptable to that society that we have become the amazing shrinking woman. Yet, we know and we know and we know.” - Anne Wilson SchaefnnThese words by Anne Wilson Schaef ring true for every woman who has shut herself down by not listening to her own unique inner voice. Many times it’s just so much easier to shut our mouths, ‘go with the flow’ and not break with tradition or stir up the pot. I suspect that a lot of you readers were told countless times growing up, “Children should be seen and not heard,” and we’re still hanging on to the ‘seen but not heard’ part all these years later. nnSometimes as women we are afraid to speak our minds - to say exactly what we want for fear of being ridiculed or even worse ignored. Nothing can make a person feel totally insignificant faster than when you make a comment and have your opinion totally ignored by someone else. It’s as if the other person is conveying non-verbally, “You don’t matter. Your opinion is worthless and so are you.” I don’t know about you, but that makes me bristle. nnAs Marianne Williamson said in her poem, Deepest Fear, “Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” nnOur forefathers went to war to ensure our right to freedom of speech. So, why is it all these years later, we women are still filling the role of the amazing shrinking woman?nnI remember reading another powerful quote years ago by Eleanor Roosevelt, in which she said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I have a client who actually used this quote to quietly get her point across at her workplace. Her boss would occasionally ask her for her opinion on how to run the office more efficiently, yet when she gave him her recommendations, he’d totally ignore them. Even worse, there were times when he would (not so subtly, I might add) denigrate her position as the Office Manager in front of the other staff, which of course, would literally take away any sense of authority she had to ensure that office procedures were followed. To add insult to injury, he’d often make sexist remarks such as, “Well, you wouldn’t understand because you’re a woman.” One day she’d had enough of being made to feel invisible, so she went home and printed out Eleanor’s quote on an 11” x 17” piece of paper. The next morning she taped it to a wall in her office, clearly visible to all who entered. It took a few days before her boss finally noticed it and asked why she’d put that ‘Piece of garbage” on the wall. She calmly told him to read it and when he understood it, to come back and they’d discuss not only the why behind her posting the quote, but the underlying issue behind doing it in the first place.nnWhat’s the lesson to be learned here? We don’t have to play the role of the ‘shrinking violet’ any more. We have more than paid the price of admission to the Free Speech Club, and we should exercise our rights to be able to say what we want, whenever we want, to whomever we want. I’m not giving you a license to go out and be deliberately cruel, cutting or hurtful here - I’m just saying that you do have the right to speak up and be heard. When you speak from your heart you will always speak the truth of what’s right for you. The most important thing about when to speak up is to get clear about what you want to say, what’s not working for you, and what your request is. Then before you open your mouth to speak, take a deep breath and state your case calmly. If you fly off the handle and speak from a place of rage, anger, disappointment or bitterness, chances are your words will come spewing forth like lava from an active volcano and will cause more harm than good.nnAs women we have remained silent far too long. The time has come for us step into fears, speak up, and be heard - to stand up for what we believe in and what we know in our hearts will make our lives filled with happiness and peace. But if we don’t tell the people who are in our lives what we want, how will they know what to offer us? They won’t. nnBottom line? Be free to state what you know, what you desire and what you aspire to be, for it is in the saying that you will leave the ‘amazing shrinking woman’ behind you in your shadow and roll model what it means to be a woman in the world today.n