Heal Your Broken Heart and Restore Trust One Moment at a Time

If your heart has been broken by infidelity or another kind of betrayal, you might be trying to cope with the double whammy of grief and shattered trust. These two often go hand in hand. It may even be that, since the breakup of your relationship or marriage, everywhere you look people seem to be misleading, deceiving or hurting each other in various ways.

You might wonder if you'll ever be able to feel good or trust anyone again!

In dark and despairing broken heart times like this, it may be helpful for you to know that you can heal and even be happy again. You can also learn to rebuild trust within yourself that you can extend out to others in your life. This process of healing and renewal almost always happens one moment at a time.

Liz has taken time off work since her partner of 6 years, Erich, moved out. The past few months have been especially rocky for Liz and Erich after she found out he had an affair with one of her co-workers and friends. Liz was devastated to learn about Erich's cheating-- as well as this betrayal by someone she considered a friend. But, for a time, Liz believed that she could work it out with Erich and that they could heal their relationship. This was not the case, however. Erich decided that he actually wanted to continue his relationship with Liz's former friend and moved out.

Since Erich left, Liz has been unable to do much of anything-- besides deal with her emotions that range among grief, sadness, anger and fury. Liz doesn't know how she'll return to her job where the former friend (who Erich left her for) continues to work. But Liz has run out of sick or personal leave hours and also feels like she's run out of emotions-- she mainly feels numb and low.

Do you, or have you ever, felt like Liz? We know that this isn't how you want to live your life. You can choose to make changes that will help you heal and move toward ease and even happiness.

Here's where you might start....

Acknowledge where you are-- all of it.
Start where you are. If you're feeling furious and want revenge, then allow yourself to feel those feelings. If sadness and grief are what you feel, allow that to come out. Don't shut down emotions that you think are inappropriate or those that may not make sense to you. Simply let it all out.

We don't recommend that you take action when you are feeling intense or overwrought-- not without really thinking through the potential consequences first. Instead, get a notebook or journal and write down everything you are feeling. Don't judge what's coming up for you, just let it flow.

When you have moments that are calmer, acknowledge that as well. Paying attention and making a mental note of the times when you aren't upset or depressed can be helpful reminders when you do experience a wave of more heightened feelings.

Start rebuilding trust within yourself.
Liz has been jou
aling about how she's feeling every day now-- even the numb and low feelings. She's also been able to make note to herself of a few times when she's actually felt okay, even at peace with her new life. For example, Liz noticed a teenage boy pick up and return some money that an older woman unknowingly dropped on the ground. Observing this simple act of kindness warmed Liz's heart and she just stood there watching this scene for a few minutes actually feeling good inside.

When you allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and you start to see that there are some things about yourself, your life and your world that are “good” and going well, you can heal even more quickly than you might have thought possible.

Build on this process and begin to specifically look for trustable moments. This might be watching others interact in ways that feel, to you, trustworthy. This might also be patting yourself on the back for making decisions that are in your best interest. When you've felt betrayed, learning to trust yourself is a very powerful lesson.

Healing your broken heart can take time and usually doesn't happen immediately. But you can move toward feeling better and even experiencing love again. By starting where you are and also paying attention to all that's going on within you and around you one moment at a time, you can rebuild trust and point yourself toward happiness.