Helping Others Find Their Way

Lets get real; all of us, are some one else’s difficult person. For what ever reason everyone finds himself or herself disliked or misunderstood by some one else. We run into people on the job and in our personal lives that we feel are truly exasperating. How do you deal with a difficult person? We actually have several choices that we make either consciously or unconsciously daily in our effort to manage those situations. We can choose to ignore the difficult person. This can be destructive especially in an environment where you and this person have daily or weekly contact. You can avoid them and they you, but if you need to work with them on a particular project or issue or in any way interact with them it can be a draining experience.

Another course of action is to leave or distance your self from that person. Often people change jobs, move across the country or across town, change neighborhoods or churches just to avoid some one they dislike.

There are two more things to consider doing before giving up on the person you find to be difficult. The first is to learn all you can about the practice of empathy. Because you couldn’t possibly know everything that is going on in their life, certain changes as well as long-term exposure, you can offer empathy for a perceived feeling they have based upon their behavior toward you. They may show their frustration toward you by acting out their frustration toward themselves and their situation. If you choose not to be drawn into their frustration but rather choose to maintain your own perception of who you are, there is less chance that you will resist them which then sets up less resistance from them toward you. It the old adage you can’t argue with someone who won’t argue with you. When your resistance is to resist being caught in their negativity, you remain whole and help them see the fallacy found in their own negativity.

Every day you have an opportunity to make others feel better or worse, it is always better to make them feel better. Create an environment where you take charge of your feelings and behaviors and let them feel your empathy as an outward expression of those feelings. Never be drawn into the negativity surrounding others, but rather allow them to be their own person and take ownership of their feelings. If they have to carry the full burden of their own frustration they will act more quickly to correct it than if it becomes a shared load. You take on some of the ownership in the form of resistance only pro-longs them having to exert personal effort to correct their behavior. They need to find the value of respecting themselves so they can respect others. The negativity they exude is proof they have yet to discover the full measure of their unique value. They hurt so they want you to hurt. To the degree that you maintain dignity toward them when they cannot experience it for themselves is the measure of helping them overcome the pain in their lives. By treating them with respect you give them a glimpse of the potential they have of being greater than they are or have been. Help them help themselves. n