Holding the Key to Your Emotions

Many times, when you’re having a great day, one unexpected turn can turn that perfect day into a horrible one. Maybe it’s your coworker who sees everything as negative, the slow driver holding up traffic, or your teenager’s hormones going wild, but in that instant the positive outlook you’ve had all day is gone—just like that. Suddenly, you find yourself in the same negative space your coworker is in or with the same raging hormones your son or daughter now has. But what if you could continue holding the key to your emotions, regardless of how others around you were feeling?nnThe truth is that you do have the ability to control your mood and that if you choose to have a day that is upbeat and positive, you will have it. While I am simplifying it now, it really isn’t that difficult but is more a simple matter of understanding that you are the one who is, in fact, controlling the emotions you have. That is the good news. The bad news is that you will have to stop blaming all the other people who have not chosen to have a positive day. nnI am not suggesting that you won’t be affected by other people’s behavior; rather, I am suggesting that the behavior of others will only affect you if you choose to let it do so. Although it is not easy and will take some work on your part, you can opt to stay in your positive state of mind, regardless of what is going on around you. nnFirst, take a careful look at what is actually occurring. Try to remove the emotions and look intently at what is going on.nnLet’s use the example of your son coming home from school in a very bad mood. He comes in slamming his backpack to the ground and throwing his shoes across the room. Within an instant he is picking an argument with his brother, who has come into the house peacefully, and when you intervene, the belligerent son begins to yell at you for siding with his brother. After the pleasant day you’ve had you immediately feel your heart racing and your anger brewing. As you begin to yell back at him, you also begin to take on the exact mood your son has brought in the door. nnTake a deep breath, and acknowledge only the facts. The fact is that your son has had a bad day and does not know what to do with his emotions. He is dealing with his emotions in an inappropriate way, and he needs to know that. nnCreate a visualization that allows you to focus on yourself and on your emotions only. nnTake another deep breath, and concentrate on yourself and on the space you were in before your angry son walked in the door. Remind yourself what made your day a good day just seconds ago. nnNow, pretend that you are standing in a clear box (with air holes, of course!). This box represents your good mood of the day. I like to call it your happy space. Visualize that no matter what, no one can get in (unless they’re happy too), and no one can pull you out. It is your emotion today, and you have created it. Remind yourself that the angry emotions you see in front of you, outside your happy space, are not yours but are, in fact, your son’s. So let him have them. You can offer assistance (“Do you want to talk about your day?”) or set consequences (“Maybe you need to go to your room until you are ready to talk about it or let it go.”). nnRemember that we have been conditioned to take on the moods of others around us, so this exercise is not an easy one. It is something that really works, though, and allows you to really have control over your day and what mood you choose to be in. The best part, surprisingly, is that when you don’t engage in the emotions of others, they may find it easier to let go of the anger they’re having and join you in your happy space as well! nnYou’ll be amazed at how much more often you’re able to maintain a sense of peace and happiness within yourself. You will see that if the happiness comes from within yourself, it is not dependent on the variables around you. The emotions you have are truly yours, and you certainly do hold the key to them. So, the next time you feel yourself sliding into someone else’s day, stop, take a breath, and unlock the emotion you want to have . . . with a smile on your face!nn** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life”, visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways2.html.