How to Improve Your Intimate Relationship

In the higher love relationships each partner respects the right of the other to love as many people as they want, in any way they choose. They allow the other to love as they feel compelled, respecting their right to free choice. In a higher love relationship, love shared does not equate with less love from your partner. Let's take the analogy of parental love for a second-born child.

I remember just before my second child was born, asking myself, how will I ever be able to love this second child as much as I love my firstborn? But when I eventually held my second child in my arms, the answer was apparent: my love had grown so much that in fact, I could love each child fully. That is the enigma of love. The more you love, the more love expands.

So love has a way of increasing when more of it is shared. It does not diminish because it is shared. This is a difficult concept for some people to understand because they come from a base of fear through trying to possess their lover. But no-one wants to be owned. Do you? Start allowing your partner to be as they choose to be and to love as they feel drawn to love, with no jealousy or fear that their love for you will in any way diminish.

If you are not grasping or even hoping for recognition and approval from your partner, you will have nothing to lose by allowing them to love whomever and whatever they choose. If this is too hard to accept, just leave your mind open to further understanding of the concept that love is always expansive in nature, and allow your mind and heart to open to further understanding in the future.

Commitment vs. Being Present In the Moment

In most present relationships we expect a deep commitment from our partner in order to avoid having to deal with other relationships that may be more confronting. We demand commitment to insure our security, but we will never be truly secure, we just hope to feel secure. This is a fear-based expectation in a relationship, not a love-based one.

In a higher order of intimacy, we do not expect anything from our lover. We enter into our relationship, built on attraction initially, then developing into connection and deep love, for the pure enjoyment of the experience.

If we come to a relationship from a position of dependency, we are seeking happiness from outside ourselves. When in truth, the only real happiness wells up from within the self, never from outside the self. If I recognize that I, and only I, am creator of my happiness, I will never expect fulfilment from someone else, only love and joy. If they choose not to love me, I am still in joy and peace because my joy and peace well up from within me, not from my partner. I do not need their commitment; my sense of value is within, not dependent on another’s commitment to me.

We therefore have no desire to demand commitment from our partner, no need to feel secure, for our security is not dependent on anyone outside of us. When we live and love in the present moment, from being in touch with our feelings and emotions, we allow whatever is, to be as it is. Living in the present moment, I trust that the future will take care of itself, of me, of us.

Endings and Beginnings

If the time comes when both parties in the relationship decide to part company, they can do so with love and a sense of joy and gratitude for experiences shared. Life is about change and growth, so the ending of a relationship may well portend the birth into a greater experience of love and sharing with someone new. So live in the joyful and confident expectation that the universe works for your greater good, always.

To summarize, we need to make some fundamental shifts in our approach and expectations of our intimate relationships. The profile of a new generation and style of intimate relationship is building, and we are working on site, as both creators, way-showers and experiencers.

Loving from Need vs. Love for Self

Recognize that we are connected in spirit. Even when we are separated by space, we are still connected in spirit and in love. So see if you can begin to love yourself first, appreciate your own inner beauty and power. This inner place of self-appreciation will become your powerhouse, your direct connection to Source Love.

When you have established and develop this connection to the Source of all love, the love you share in your intimate relationship with your lover, will blossom in joy, because it is no longer under pressure to feed your need for love and security. In part 3 we will discuss further enhancements we can bring to our intimate relationships to increase our happiness and delight.