How to Overcome Self-Pity While Increasing Your Love and Compassion

Imagine what life would be like if you learned how to utilise your self-pitying states of mind by transforming them into powerful resources instead. Could this be possible?

So called negative states of mind such as loneliness, frustration and despair are neutralised, changed or eliminated with many of the current psychological models. While these methods can get useful results the whole picture becomes more interesting when we consider what many spiritual traditions have often claimed:

Our suffering actually contains within it an incredible opportunity for growth!

The fact that we are deeply familiar with states of suffering enables us to generate the most noble of virtuous minds such as love and compassion. What this implies is that with the correct know-how we can replace our habitual patterns of self-pity with minds of love and compassion. The secret of this approach is actually really simple, yet incredibly profound.

To experience a feeling of love/compassion rather than retched self-pity we simply switch the object of cherishing. With self-pity we are obsessively cherishing our self: eg) "Poor me, me, me, I'm so lonely" etc.

If we were to switch the object of cherishing to another person we have affection for, and who probably experiences similar and worse feelings, it would enable us to generate a feeling of compassion. A much more positive state of mind! Below then is a complete strategy for 're-programming' our thought patterns.

A Strategy for Overcoming Self-pity

1. When you're feeling sorry for yourself what does that feel like? Notice the negative feelings in your body.

2. As you experience those feelings what would you name them? eg) loneliness, frustration, worthlessness. It's ok if you have no name for the feelings.

3. Imagine seeing yourself over there. Simply observe that you suffering and allow a feeling of love and compassion to arise.

Be gentle with yourself. Remember in essence we are pure, virtually limitless, potential and the delusions and problems we experience are like waves on an ocean. They are impermanent. They cannot not change!

3. Now think of loved ones who probably experience similar feelings and worse. (It's important that you actually choose people you have an emotional connection with. Somebody you're close too and have affection for.)

4. As you picture them in front, with that image of yourself, notice the growing feeling of love & compassion arising...

5. Breath with this feeling for a minute or three. You may begin to notice how you soften. Enjoy the warmth and softening of your heart centre.

Build Bridges of Love & Compassion into the Future

To get this new strategy "wired-in" so it becomes an automatic habit we just need to do a few quick rehearsals in our mind. So think of situations in the future where it's likely you would experience self-pity. And notice what the first thing you would see or hear before the feelings of self-pity start up? As you allow those feelings to arise go through the procedure from step 1.

Doing this rehearsal with a few situations, in different contexts, will enable your unconscious to generalise the new strategy. What this means is that, in the future, as soon as feelings of self-pity begin to arise in whatever context, the new strategy will trigger and you will then have the freedom to choose to experience feelings of love and compassion instead.

The choice is now in your hands.