If You Are Not Happy Now, You Never Will Be

We have all foolhardily said, at one time or another, that if we only had so and so, we would be happy forever. I remember saying it when I was a little tyke and wanted a two-wheeler, and later when I was a young man and wanted a house, three kids, and two cars!

I think we set ourselves up when we depend on outside things to complete us and make us happy, because we, in a way, become hostage to those circumstances. It’s a love/hate thing. We love the good times, but there is the veiled threat that the good times could go away. And that subconsciously scares us. So naturally, we become glued to anything pleasurable and adverse to anything not pleasurable. This sums up our lives, actually, this running away from that which we hate, and running toward what we love.

But this running toward and running away; can it ever provide us with lasting happiness? We’re happy with our kids, but the little rascals tend to grow up, and then reject everything we have ever taught them. As they go their own way.

Perhaps true happiness is something different from this clinging and pushing away. Perhaps true happiness is an internal thing. If we have unconditional happiness in our hearts, can outside circumstances ever disturb that happiness? Problems will surely come along, but like water off a duck’s back, problems will be only problems and nothing that disturbs our inner happiness.

On the other hand, if instead of happiness we harbor anger and discontent in our hearts, then regardless of how good outside circumstances are, the anger, and the conflict, will never stop.

So, can we develop an internal happiness that won’t be corrupted by bad things that happen to us in an uncertain world? A question, I would think, that is very important, because happiness is what we all pursue in one way or another, yet seldom find for long.

It is obvious that the first thing we would have to do is begin weaning ourselves from counting on outside circumstances to make us happy simply because if we don’t, we will forever be held hostage by circumstances we cannot control. Our bank account, our friends, our relatives, our homes, our jobs – all of these could suddenly go away. Even our very lives could end.

It is not that we give all our money away, or hide from everyone and live in a cave; that doesn’t work because we would still be stuck with ourselves, and ourselves never make us happy because we know for sure that ourselves will definitely go away some day!

We must take a different approach, something we have perhaps never considered, and detach ourselves psychologically from all of this, while at the same time maintaining a love for it. This would mean living a full life but without the smothering and threatening attachments that we now feel. If we could pull this off, we would be happy, and our happiness could never be threatened.

It all comes down to love actually; real love, unconditional love, which is a love directed at the other and never toward oneself. When we grasp at a pleasure or push away an annoyance, the movement is always centered on ourselves, never the other. The greatest charity, the greatest gift we can give, is giving up ourselves. When we can do that, we will have an incorruptible happiness in our hearts, simply because no matter what happens to us, we no longer count, only the other counts. Can we look beyond our egos to see the logic in this?

Imagine if the other would feel the same way toward you; that you are the only thing that counts. Can you imagine the results? The results would be the exact opposite of what we are seeing presently in our violent world. The results would be a heaven on earth.

But it must begin with us; it cannot begin with them. Just as anger loops until violence erupts, love loops as well, but the results are dramatically different.

If you want to develop unconditional love, be willing to look at yourself. When you look at yourself, study yourself openly and honestly, in time you will forget about yourself. And when you forget about yourself, your “self” will be replaced by an unconditional love, and more; a freedom that you can’t imagine. n