Insanity-Awakening-Recovery

With a smile on my face, I say, “will restore us to sanity”! It’s Sunday, and for the second day in a row, I headed to the golf course with anticipation. For the second day in a row, it began to rain part way through the golf game. For the second day in a row, I finished the round.
I laugh at myself, because there is still an element of insanity within me. Two days running, wet and cold, and figuring that this time it would be different. A good remember when.
As I sit and smile about my moments, I am reminded of a time in my life where insanity was very present, and a chat over dinner last night with good friend Dave about the comings and goings in this world was another good reminder. It’s great to just sit and talk with another sober “observer” who gives freely. I also have the privilege of working with people who say they are addicted, stay clean/sober for a period of time, then go and use their mood changer of choice and are surprised when out comes are bad (guilt, shame, family anger, remorse, etc.), a piece of insanity on their part I know only too well from my past experiences.
My journey of life recovery has covered many years and has shifted constantly in how I view the world. What has continuously grown is my faith in a power greater tha
I, and the concept of this power is in constant evolution, and the reality of a higher power, through what I’ve have personally experienced and witnessed, deepens.
While I’ve had a lot of help and coaching over the years, I know today that it was through a power greater than myself that solid sanity returned to my life; even though on days like today I find my actions funny!
When it came to my active addiction, I repeatedly did the same things, and truly thought the outcome would be different when I used and abused, and was shocked when there were consequences. As with most people in recovery, things had to get bad enough (and bad enough is different for each person) that I realized my actions were nuts and self destructive. By this point, I did not have a spiritual life and no conscious belief in anything outside my unconscious, Egoic, self. I was functioning in life at a fairly high level, yet know today that there was insanity in play!
I am an addict and alcoholic who has recovered from my use of mood altering substances and actions, but is very much recovering. My life was transformed through coaching and guidance of powers greater than me. Many of these “powers” were human. I had a spiritual awakening as a result of being led through the 12 steps, and doing them and practicing them daily. Sanity has returned in the important areas of my life and I get to experience hope and serenity on a daily basis.
I know today that I am designed to make a unique and meaningful difference through working with others, and my impact on others is a matter of large consequence.
I am truly grateful than my higher power allows me to make choices, but the mildly insane choices I make today are things like golf in the rain!