Leading Through Emotional Times

In March of 2009, the unemployment rate rose by 694,000 to a total of 13.2 million people. We're at an average of 8.5% across the country. Clients of mine who are laying off people are wondering how to handle their own emotions as well as those around them. People who still have jobs wonder if they will continue to have their jobs. Read how one Sales VP managed her way...

In November of 2008, a VP of Sales for a major furniture company was facing a layoff of 25 sales staff. Sales were down 40%; the company was downsizing in other departments. In stress, her leadership style as a "Mediator" is to detach emotionally and blow through any obstacles. Through many trying months, she kept her doors closed, and focused relentlessly on restructuring the sales team. Coming home to her family after 9 was becoming a familiar habit. Employees were surprised by her tough and detached demeanor.

As she was preparing for a second round of layoffs, her true feelings suddenly came to the surface. Just as she was addressing her team, she removed her glasses and spoke from the heart. Her voice choked with emotion as she said, "The truth is that this is very difficult for me to do. I have been in this business for twenty years. You are like family to me. Some of the people leaving were mentors to me on the way up. These are good people and I'm proud to count many of them among my friends. I accept the responsibility for the decisions we've had to make and I understand why these people are leaving... but that doesn't change the fact that it breaks my heart to see them walk out the door." Then she took a deep breath, put her glasses back on, and continued with the rest of her remarks.

After the address, she expressed concern that she had "blown it" by getting too emotional with his organization. But instead, those 45 seconds of genuine emotion helped her regain her humanity and reestablish connection with the organization. Employees were reassured, empathetic, and even supportive. "That's the person I thought I knew," they said. "I was concerned that she had lost her soul, but maybe she was just trying too hard to be strong for us."

Showing her personal vulnerability didn't alter the necessity for making the tough calls, but it did jump-start the healing process by normalizing and validating the feelings of others. She earned back some trust that day.

Of course, saying the words "this is hard for me" or tearing up to show empathy is not a canned formula for facilitating grieving or reengaging employees. Forget about trying to fake authenticity!

The key lies in trusting people to accept the real you as you guide them through tough times in a way that is genuine and honest. "Lead from your own experience, emotions and empathy." Fair or unfair, others are looking to you to be both "larger than life" and "just like me."

In the book Leading with Authenticity in Times of Transition suggests that leaders can help their organizations through difficult transition by balancing operational and emotional leadership. Some suggestions:

Share information. Share the facts as early and as often as possible. Tell people the truth, acknowledge mistakes and be clear about your situation and prospects for the future. You probably don't know or can't share all the details of what's going on-especially given the huge uncertainty facing organizations today - but withholding information fuels speculation and increases anxiety.

Make room for emotions. You need to drive performance, but you also need to accept that people are experiencing loss and grief. People react in different ways to change and will adapt at various paces. Pay attention so you know when to push and when to back off or coach people through.

Be aware of your own reactions. Get clear on your own behaviors and reactions to change and challenge. Questions to ask yourself include:
• Am I rushing the process and making everything equally urgent?
• Am I avoiding ambiguity or downplaying uncertainty?
• Am I stifling my emotions and isolating myself?
• Am I overly optimistic to the point of raising questions about whether I'm in touch with the real challenges?
• Am I investing enough time in meeting people where they are - in service of taking them where we need to go?