Oh, To Be Loved!

Here it is, another valentine’s day around the corner. A time to take stock the love in your life. Or the lack of love in your life if that is how you see things.

We spend so much time and energy searching for love. Single people can be zeroed in on “finding” love and coupled folks are constantly looking for signs that their significant other really does love them.

What we are really searching for is some indication that we are loved. We look to others to show us that we are lovable and to validate that we are loved. Well, guess what? We are loved. Always, all the time, no matter what, period.

Our journey is to understand that we are loved so that we can then focus on being loving. Being loving to everyone and everything around us. Yeah, that sounds schmaltzy but it’s true. It doesn’t mean to like everyone all the time and to enjoy every situation or circumstance of life. But when you know you are loved, you are more loving and understanding in every relationship and in every circumstance. That is a gift to everyone you crosses your path.

We seem so focused on the object of love, for example, the person with whom we are in a relationship. We spend so much time wondering, “Do they love me?” “Am I good enough for them to love me?” “Am I valuable enough deserve their love?” So much attention is given to this that we often miss the experience and the gifts of the relationship. Even if that relationship doesn’t last a lifetime, there are still many gifts in the enounter. Many times, the outcome of the relationship is more important to someone than the journey of the experience. So much is missed when we do this.

Truth is, we never really lose love. The object of love may go away but love never does. It comes from Source and Source never dies. It lives and breathes, is constant yet not necessarily consistent. It may change form or appearance but it is always the energy of love and it is available everywhere you look. First we must look within.

That old cliché of loving self first before someone else can love you…. Makes you want to gag but it is truth. Connect with yourself and your Self and expand that love. We fear losing love because we believe that it comes from outside sources. This is a lie. When you deepen your love of Self, the fear lessens because you know you are filled with love, you are more connected to Source and you know you are loved and lovable. You understand your own worth and value and you no longer need to have it “given” to you.

As you do this, you are able to spend more time being loving to others. Your relationships, friendships, etc are more rooted in the experience of being together, learning, sharing, enjoying each other and less about the outcome of the situation… marriage, friendship instead of romantic, etc.

How do you connect with your love of self? First, be aware of your self talk. Make a list of what you say to yourself. Do you say things like “I am so stupid!” “I can’t believe I did that!” We tend to be very self critical so, chances are you have some negative self talk. Create an awareness of this and stop the comments when they surface.

Connect with your gifts and use them often. Do things that make you happy and bring you a sense of peace. Write, paint, play with your pets or children, cook, whatever suits you. Taking time for you means you are honoring yourself and therefore loving yourself. If you don’t do this much, take a note of that and make some changes.

Spend more time with people who lift you and less time with those who bring you down. Take care of your body and spirit. Eat good foods. Exercise. Try yoga or tai chi. Meditate 10 minutes a day. Take a walk in nature. Take a long bath. Laugh all the time. Take care of you and you will expand your self love.

A woman was in a relationship recently and her partner moved thousands of miles away to take a job. She said that the last few weeks of their time together were the best ever. They got on beautifully, really enjoyed each other and were completely immersed in the love they shared. She didn’t understand why it was so good now that he was moving. It pained her that he had to go when their relationship had evolved to this state.

Here’s what happened: they let go of the fear of losing love because he was leaving. The object of love was being removed. They both knew it was going to happen and even had a date it was to take place. There was no fear of “is she leaving me?” “Does he really love me?” As a result, they had let go of the fear of losing the love and were able to totally relax into the experience. Her partner moved away and the love is still there. The love never left although the object is gone. THAT is the gift every relationship has to offer, regardless of the outcome.

The gift of love’s various expressions is available to all of us all of the time, to enjoy and embrace. Yet it must start with you. So, love yourself a little more. Have less fear of losing something you can never lose anyway. Enjoy each relationship for the gifts and magic it has to offer. Especially the relationship you have with you.

Happy Valentine’s Day!