Appreciating "Difficult" People

Appreciating “Difficult” People
Are there people in your life, on your team, and/or with whom you interact regularly that get on your nerves? Have you ever found yourself wanting to yell at the top of your lungs, “Knock it off, I can’t stand you?” If so, you are not alone…welcome to being human! One of most challenging aspects of being human, living and working with others, creating personal success, and developing a championship team around us is dealing with the people we consider “difficult” (or other, less polite adjectives).

Have you ever stopped to think about what you appreciate about these difficult people? Most often, we don’t. We spend a good amount of time thinking about, talking about, and gathering more “evidence” for why someone is a “jerk” and/or what we don’t like about him or her. However, these “difficult” people in our lives are actually great teachers and reminders for us. They often teach us important lessons about life and about ourselves. They also remind us to be more patient and accepting, and they force us to live true to the principles many of us say are most important – kindness, love, acceptance, forgiveness, respect, and others.

It is easy to appreciate people we like, the ones who agree with us and do things the way we do. The bigger challenge is being able to appreciate those who are different than we are, who disagree with us, and even those who get on our nerves or annoy us. Think about it for minute, don’t you often learn a great deal from some of those “difficult” people? Also, do you think your chances of success and fulfillment would be enhanced if you were able to more effectively deal with “difficult” people? For most of us, the answer both of these questions is YES!

When we take the time to appreciate the “difficult” people around us, some amazing things happen. First of all, we find that there are actually many things we do appreciate about them. (Remember, we always find what we look for). Second, we allow ourselves to be open to the lessons these people have to teach us. Third, we let go of the unnecessary stress and frustration that comes along with constantly being irritated by another person. When we are willing to look for good stuff, even in these “difficult” people, we tap into the amazing power of appreciation. Appreciation allows us to greatly increase our own personal success and fulfillment, and it dramatically improves the environment around us as well.
ACTION: What You Can Do:

Think of the three most “difficult” people in your life. Write their names down on a piece of paper. Next to each name, write at least three things you appreciate about them. For some, it may take a while, for others it will be much easier. You may find that once you start, there are lots of things you appreciate about them.

Next time you think about, talk about and/or interact with these people, see if you can put more of your attention on the things you appreciate about them (what you wrote on your list and more), and less attention on the things that you don’t like.

If you are up to it and you are ready to have a real “breakthrough” in your relationship with these “difficult” people, I CHALLENGE you to let each of them know what you appreciate about them. Give them a call, write them a note, or talk to them face-to-face and acknowledge them. When you have the courage to genuinely communicate your appreciation, especially to these specific people, I promise you it will have powerful results – for them and for you. n