Rock Of Love - Do You Have One?

Rock of love, you are to me! Many women think this of their partners. "Lean on me" many say, whilst they support you through your breast cancer stages, mentally, physically and emotionally.

It's normal to enter into a state of shock, followed by up and down stages of grief, being felt and handled differently, by everyone. It is at times like this, that your partner with a "lean on me" attitude, feels like refuge from the storm.

Breast cancer causes huge emotional strain on everyone, and sometimes it is not expressed or dealt with in an appropriate manner. It can be easy to say and do the wrong thing. Have you been in this situation? Can you share your story about what you found worked and what didn't?

Husbands and partners end up wearing many hats due to breast cancer in their family. Many women try to continue with life as they did before, being independent and holding the family unit together, as mothers around the world are famous at doing. Other men start to take over more domestic duties to ease the work their wife or partner does, in order for them to focus on their health and recovery. Some men have had to learn to cook, use the washing machine, whip the vaccum cleaner around the house and do domestic errands. Partners sometimes become the tea and coffee maker, entertaining well meaning visitors when their wife is too sick or tired to do it. Partners often accompany the visits to medical professionals, they might rub your back when nausea and vomiting happens due to chemo, and one hopes they lend a shoulder to hold and gain strength from over the up and down journey of breast disease.

As in life, we often do not realise or appreciate how our partners may feel in a situation, because we are so wrapped up in it ourselves. If you have a rock of love, please thank them. Value their love, their time, their efforts to do and say the right thing, because it is not easy for them either. They will be going through their own fear, their own frustrations, their own juggling of life and it's day to day domestic routine.

Partners do not always know what is the right thing to say or do. They are not mind readers. If you have breast cancer, please tell them what it is that you need or want. One couple I know of came to an arrangement of having a white board on the kitchen table. Ani was able to write down on her board what she wanted her husband to do without feeling like she was nagging. And Edward was able to do the jobs on the white board when it suited him, giving him some control and freedom. It worked well for them and was a win win situation.

So whilst your partner might drive you round the bend at times - yes we all know that feeling don't we - please appreciate your partner and if you have some words of wisdom, advice, suggestions and stories to share, please feel free to do so and help to encourage others going through a similar thing.