Sensitivities?

Yesterday in conversation with a friend who is starting a journey, I asked for input about a topic she might be interested in. Without knowing it directly, and not answering what I had asked, she did answer! It is amazing how early on we can find a bit of dark in the bright light.
I am reminded what a sensitive little flower I was when I started this journey, and quite frankly, still can be at times. The journey started with me at the lowest point in my life in relation to my own self-esteem and feeling of self-worth. I could find things that could and would hurt or sting in even kind words or deeds of others.
The core of my journey and recovery of a life filled with abundance revolved around how I felt about me and finding a power that wasn’t me that I could trust. The litmus test for growth, as I was reminded yesterday, was my own personal sensitivities. I am still a flower, but today a flower with much deeper roots and far less fragility.
The biggest factor in growing roots was time. There is no way around it, time takes time.
My journey started with a moment of clarity, a moment when the quit voice inside me roared in a way that I heard. I knew my moment to change had come, and I was able to acknowledge that small quiet voice within, and to begin to search for it daily.
Early on I was introduced to a series of self-affirmations. As silly as I felt doing some of these in front of a mirror, and also sitting at my desk talking to myself, I did them because they were recommended by the “we” who had walked the journey ahead of me.
I got professional help in areas that I needed it. Understanding intimacy in a relationship was one area, understanding open and honest, not being evasive was another. Career goals and planning was a big one, I had stopped setting written goals, and needed help to first set them, then needed a push to make sure I took the actions that would allow my talents to come in to play. I needed a written daily check list to start living a life that was balanced. In several areas, outside help strengthened both my resolve and my progress early on.
And of course there were the steps that had evolved into the backbone of 12 step recovery groups. These were not new or revolutionary, they had evolved over hundreds of years, but in my BIG Book, they were written in a way and in an order that worked for me! Finding and “working” them was a miracle for me.
Over time, I worked the steps diligently, and worked them with the loving help of others. Several times along the way things would happen that hurt, someone would say or do something that hurt, but often the hurt revealed a truth. No one who cared about me intentionally pricked at my sensitivities to hurt me; but my diminishing sensitivities were a bench mark of progress.
I always remind myself that I am on a journey and may never reach a destination. There is still much opportunity for growth. The steps and principles of my program are a daily foundation, and the further I move along, the more I realize that I need the help of others; others who are on a parallel journey and others who are coaches in the game of life.
Today, I would define myself as an anchored flower, my roots are much deeper. If a large storm comes along, I can be damaged but not destroyed and when calm comes along and I get the help I need and do the things time has taught me to do, I will rise towards the sun again.
My self-esteem, in humility, is decent and well founded. My higher power is heard and keeps my ego right sized, but by having decent self-worth, I can laugh at my fragilities and enjoy my successes.
Thank-you my friend for the words of hurt that made me sensitive in the moment to “sensitivities”. Regrettably I can prick them unintentionally in others. On a reducing basis, I feel them in me. I pray for progress.
I am thankful for that small quiet voice inside that I now listen to and for the tremendous help I get from others. The journey is not always fun, but things happen for a reason and I am grateful for progress.
Today I hope to be a well rooted flower!