Steps To Satisfying Love

“Love is the most universally recognized and most frequently misinterpreted of the twelve powers.” - Winifred Wilkinson Hausmann, Your God-Given Potential

Just as wars have been fought in the name of God, much has been done in the name of Love that appears antithetical to its nature. People stay with abusive partners; partners have affairs; parents teach their children to fear the world so that they will stay ‘safe’ or verbally or physically abuse them to “teach them a lesson.”

Among 12 steppers, co-dependency and sex and love addiction can be seen as misguided approaches to the giving and receiving of love. Moreover, any kind of substance or process addiction may well be based on a misplaced search for love—in the nform of seeking approval, comfort, etc.

The purpose of highlighting the ways in which we may err in our attempts to give or receive love is not to judge or condemn ourselves.

Love does not condemn.
- A Course in Miracles

STEP 1: But, as demonstrated in 12 Step Programs, our ability to admit that we have been mistaken in thought or action is the first step toward genuine transformation. And who would not appreciate experiencing greater peace and satisfaction in the giving and receiving of love?

With respect to our 'sins' in the area of love, we might therefore gently acknowledge, for example:

"I have based my self worth on being needed by others, fostering their dependency on me and my resentment toward them."

"I “cheated” on my partner."

"I have tied anger, judgment, or criticism to love, and thus have a pattern of treating others (or allowing others to treat me) with scorn, contempt, or abuse."

"I have associated love with feelings of longing and lack, leading me to reject those who would actually be able to meet my needs in favor of those who are unavailable."

"I am far too ‘messed up’ to be loved by anyone. When I am ‘fixed’—i.e., healthier, smarter, wealthier, or stronger—I will finally deserve to be loved."

Only after acknowledging the ways in which we missed the mark in our attempts to ‘have’ Love, can we can take the next step toward experiencing greater fulfillment in the giving and receiving of love.

"Every mistake must be a call for love. What, then, is sin? What could it be but a mistake you would keep hidden; a call for help that you would keep unheard and thus unanswered?"
- ACIM Text - Ch 19, part 3
STEP 2: As in Step 2 of the 12 Step Programs, this next step involves acknowledging the presence of a Power greater than ourselves, which can infuse and sustain us with abundant love.

After taking a few breaths and centering ourselves in Faith (see Jan 2008 12x12 newsletter), we might thus affirm in this very moment:

There is a Power greater than ourselves, eternally present in our hearts and in our lives, loving us, guiding us, and sustaining us all.

In Unity, we might call this power -- which attracts, harmonizes, builds, and unifies all things–Sweet Spirit, Divine
Love, Father/Mother/God, or Infinite Love.

STEP 3: By whatever name we give it, we must next actually allow our Power to fill and guide us. We do this by making room in our consciousness. Having admitted our erroneous beliefs about love, we must also surrender those beliefs. Surrender, in this case, is thus not an act of weakness, but a powerful, self-loving exercise of our God-given faculty of will.

In the mindful and heartfelt act of surrender, we intentionally release those constricting thought patterns and life-negating behaviors that are not serving us. Then we invite a deeper wisdom to take charge of our affairs.

I release my limited and limiting ideas about Love, which no longer serve me, and I let God teach me nwhat Love is.

I receive God’s Love for me wholeheartedly.