Stressed Out? How to Stay Calm

Are you more stressed than usual? Frustrated with life? Are you afraid and scared about the future? Do you find yourself getting more annoyed with the children and coworkers? It is easy to be grateful when your needs are being met, but what about when you are stressed and worried? Keep reading because I have a few ideas to share about feeling more connected with your spirit and keeping your feelings peaceful. As a parent educator and family relationship coach, I work with families just like yours and mine all over the world. When I asked participants in my parenting classes what they do when they are angry or stressed, they say they yell, swear, throw a shoe or other object or threaten their kids with a punishment.nnPunishment is a temporary fix for a long term problem Sure that may have made the adult feel better temporarily and stopped the child’s behavior for right that minute. Anger is a basic human emotion. It is necessary to help us make changes in our lives. But anger is only one letter away from danger. It is dangerous to use emotions to force others into submission or to vent rage on people or things. It does no good long term.nnWhat Does the Child Learn? The child learns to kick, throw, yell, swear and threaten those smaller than them if that is how they see the adults in their lives handle stress and anger. Rarely does anything happen in families when you get upset and lose control. A child’s underlying need is to feel safe, loved and protected. Teach with discipline (guide, teacher, mentor) but never punishment (mean, hurtful and demeaning).nnUnderlying Emotions to Anger Many times what we are angry at has nothing to do with the child or his behavior. It is only a handy scapegoat. Unfortunately, the child assumes that when you are angry or stressed that it is directly related to him or her, because of their limited experience with the outside world.nnYour Underlying Needs What do you need to feel safe? What would make you calm in the middle of stress? What would give you peace in your heart no matter how much chaos was going on around you? The feelings we are looking for are: empowered, confident, involved, passionate, hopeful, respected, listened to and being valued. These emotions do not co-exist with stress and frustration but only with a sense of well-being and calm.nnTo Help You Handle StressnnS Stop what you are doingnT Take a deep breathnR Reflect on who owns the problemnE Evaluate if it is worth a heart attacknS See a picture in your mind of green mountains, flowing river, lilacs or cloudsnS Say out loud; “This too shall pass.”