The Marriage Disconnect

Divorce sometimes offers an illusion of happiness to people of all ages. Approximately 65% of all divorce in this country is filed by women. So why are so many women giving up on their marriages?

During the early stages of a marriage, women are usually the premier care takers of the relationship. They are generally concerned with ideas such as: a) Are we spending enough time together b) Are the emotional needs of this relationship being met? If these two priorities are not satisfied, then she begins to question; 'What are you doing with your time? Why is work or friends more important than me?'

In some cases men, not realizing the importance of these factors to women, think that their wives are nagging them. So men brush them off, and sometimes become withdrawn. In their frustration the women complain even more. The complaints may sound like, 'Why do you come home and not assist me in the house?' or 'You like to watch television instead of spending time with me?' or 'I do everything around here,' and so on......

This is the woman's way of saying 'I need more of your time.' But, on the other hand, he takes this as nagging.

After months, maybe years of neglect in these areas, the women give up out of frustration. They may say, 'I have tried almost everything......but it's not working.' She may feel alone in her marriage. She will tell herself that she needs some one to care for her or that she will be happier without him. And from that point onward, she plans her eventual "get away" from the marriage.

Her escape is usually planned around certain events occurring such as....when the kids leave home, or after she goes back to school to get a degree; or she waits until she meets someone who shows his affection for her, and then she leaves.

At this point, the wife is no longer trying to fix her marriage. She stops complaining. On the other hand, the husband feels relieved and thrilled that she has quieted down. At least so he thinks. He goes on his daily life as usual until one day she says to him, 'I want a divorce.' To his surprise, he wants to find out what has happened because he did not know that she was unhappy.

He tries his endeavor to make things work but it's too late. She has built a wall around herself and is fully ready to move forward with a divorce.