The Withdrawal Syndrome: Why Your Man Pulls Away

It’s confusing, isn’t it? One moment you think you’ve found your soul mate, the next moment he’s stopped calling. You rack your brain for any clue that would explain his behavior. Nothing. Zero. You got along well, he worshipped the ground you walked on. He was smitten by you as much as you were by him. Or so you thought. Should you end the relationship now, while you can still crawl out of the black hole called love? After all, he’s not the only fish in the sea. Or should you aggressively pursue him to convince him that you ARE the one for him? Whoa. Hold your horses. You may be surprised by what I’m about to tell you. For most guys, it’s normal to pull away just when a relationship is about to move forward. And here’s one big reason (though not the only one) why your guy does this: He’s afraid to commit. The good news is that once a man withdraws from you for this reason, he’s most likely into you. You’ve struck a chord in his feelings, you’ve reached his heart, and he’s falling in love with you, if he hasn’t yet. Which is why he’s afraid. He feels the need to get away before you change his world. “But I don’t want to change his world,” you say. “I just want to be with him.” His response to that would probably be,“You say that now.” And you know what? I’d say the same, and here's why. A woman has the remarkable ability to change a man’s world, whether she intends to or not, whether she denies or confirms it. She can change her man’s world for better or—unfortunately--for worse. And that’s the risk your man’s afraid to take. Perhaps he’s been through this experience before. Perhaps his world's been turned upside down once too many. No, sir, he’s not going to feel trapped again. He wants to protect his world, so he plays it safe. He pulls away. What should you do? Nothing—at least for the first week or so. You’ll be doing him a favor if you stayed away. Most likely he’s overwhelmed by his feelings. He needs some time away from you to sort them out. In short, leave him alone. Give him the space he wants—that’s what he’s trying to communicate to you by his withdrawal. Don’t pick up that phone, don’t send a “just to say hi” e-mail, don’t send a message through a mutual friend. That’s painful, you say. It sure is. You feel helpless, not knowing if he’s coming back, much less when. But look at it this way: if he decides to come back, chances are he’d decided that his world would be better with you, than without you. That the world he'd wanted to protect—to keep intact--could only be enhanced by your presence. The key word here is patience. Don't look at this time apart as an unnecessary delay in the blossoming of your relationship. Instead, look at it as "building" time, for as the two of you remove the uncertainties that find their way into any romance, you add a few more bricks to the foundation of a lasting relationship. Now, isn’t that worth the wait?