The Power of Saying No

No is a simple little word, but one of the most important we can use to bring peace to our lives. A common stress-producer that can affect us emotionally is to over-promise and under-deliver and we do this by not using that simple little word, “no.” Many of us have done this at one time or another; however, there are those who fall into this trap frequently, causing themselves considerable stress.

Let’s look at two scenarios:

Although you may already be involved in a number of committees, you receive a call about an interesting opportunity to join yet another. The person calling lists the advantages and how you will be a perfect fit for the duties. You begin to feel excited by the opportunity, but instead of taking time to think about it, you say “Yes”! Even though you may already be over-committed, you can’t turn back, so in order to save face, you take on the added responsibility. As time wears on, you wear down.

At work, a large project is looming. You look at your fellow employees who make up the team and after honestly appraising their talents, you note that none of them are really qualified to take the leadership role. In fact, some of them should not even be on the team. Well, they are, and since no one else is as qualified as you, you become the team leader. One of your immediate duties is to set the deadline. You set a rather short deadline, knowing that as a motivator and leader, your team can meet it. Shortly into the project, you notice that there are those who are dragging their feet, not working to your expectations, and as the leader you are responsible to get this project finished as promised. Gathering all of your leadership skills, you try to get the team working to their full potential in order to get the project completed on time. In the meantime, your stress increases as you question your decision in taking the leadership role.

Why do we take on more than we can handle?
• Do we need to elevate ourselves in the eyes of others by over committing?
• Are we caught in the treadmill of overachieving so as to look good?
• Are there childhood issues that we need to address, a neediness that must be filled by activity?
• Is our mindset that we can do it better than the next person?
• Do we feel that there is no one more qualified than we are?

Should you find yourself in the habit of over-promising, I encourage you to take time to introspect and find out why. Over-committing ourselves not only negatively impacts us, but also our families, fellow employees, and all others we come in contact with.

If you are serious about changing, try this exercise: stand in front of a mirror take a hard look at yourself and say “NO.” Practice this often and you will discover another way of reducing your stress!