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Three Skills to Improve Conversation

Topic: Listening SkillsPublished April 28, 2009

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One key to becoming a great conversationalist is to pause before replying. A short pause, of three to five seconds, is a very classy thing to do in a conversation.nn When you pause, you accomplish three goals simultaneously.nnThe Benefits of PausingnnFirst, you avoid running the risk of interrupting if the other person is just catching his or her breath before continuing. Second, you show the other person that you are giving careful consideration to his or her words by not jumping in with your own comments at the earliest opportunity. The third benefit of pausing is that you will actually hear the other person better. His or her words will soak into a deeper level of your mind and you will understand what he or she is saying with greater clarity. By pausing, you mark yourself as a brilliant conversationalist.nnAsk QuestionsnAnother way to become a great conversationalist is to question for clarification. Never assume that you understand what the person is saying or trying to say. Instead, ask, "How do you mean, exactly?"nnThis is the most powerful question I’ve ever learned for controlling a conversation. It is almost impossible not to answer. When you ask, "How do you mean?" the other person cannot stop himself or herself from answering more extensively. You can then follow up with other open-ended questions and keep the conversation rolling along.nnParaphrase the Speaker’s WordsnThe third way to become a great conversationalist is to paraphrase the speaker’s words in your own words. After you’ve nodded and smiled, you can then say, "Let me see if I’ve got this right. What you’re saying is . . ."nnDemonstrate AttentivenessnBy paraphrasing the speaker’s words, you demonstrate in no uncertain terms that you are genuinely paying attention and making every effort to understand his or her thoughts or feelings. And the wonderful thing is, when you practice effective listening, other people will begin to find you fascinating. They will want to be around you. They will feel relaxed and happy in your presence.nnListening Builds TrustnThe reason why listening is such a powerful tool in developing the art and skill of conversation is because listening builds trust. The more you listen to another person, the more he or she trusts you and believes in you.nnListening also builds self-esteem. When you listen attentively to another person, his or her self-esteem will naturally increase.nnBeing a great listener will enable you to Communicate With Power.nnListening Develops DisciplinenFinally, listening builds self-discipline in the listener. Because your mind can process words at 500-600 words per minute, and we can only talk at about 150 words per minute, it takes a real effort to keep your attention focused on another person?s words. If you do not practice self-discipline in conversation, your mind will wander in a hundred different directions. The more you work at paying close attention to what the other person is saying, the more self-disciplined you will become. In other words, by learning to listen well, you actually develop your own character and your own personality.nnAction ExercisesnHere are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.nnFirst, make a habit of pausing before replying in any conversation or discussion. You will be amazed at how powerful this technique really is.nnSecond, continually ask, "How do you mean?" in response to anything that is not perfectly clear. This gives you even more time to listen well.nnCommunicate With Powernn

Article author

About the Author

nnnBrian Tracy is Chairman and CEO of Brian Tracy International, a company specializing in the training and development of individuals and organizations. Brian's goal is to help you achieve your personal and business goals faster and easier than you ever imagined. Brian Tracy has consulted for more than 1,000 companies and addressed more than 4,000,000 people in 4,000 talks and seminars throughout the US, Canada and 40 other countries worldwide. As a Keynote speaker and seminar leader, he addresses more than 250,000 people each year. He has studied, researched, written and spoken for 30 years in the fields of economics, history, business, philosophy and psychology. He is the top selling author of over 45 books that have been translated into dozens of languages. You can learn more about Brian by reading his blog or visiting his website. nnnnnnnn

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