To Love or To Be Loved

Have you ever asked yourself, "Am I my authentic self?"nIs there a deeper more real version of yourself waiting for the right time to show up, but for the most part letting that person out is just way too risky?!n nMaybe when you were three years old, someone hurt your feelings and to survive you had to protect. To do this you employed the services of your mind to help you create a personality that would keep you safe. Maybe you became the class clown, a straight A student or Mom's best helper - the better you played these roles the more they liked you. You were safe, loved and appreciated - who could ask for more?n nWe are all playing a lead role in a movie made by our minds designed to protect us from getting hurt and we try very hard to make a movie that everyone will like. We casted ourselves in this part when we were three years old and we are still reading the same lines from the same script in that same movie thirty of forty years later. Instead of pleasing our parents we find ourselves pleasing our boss, our spouse and even our kids because the script says if I do these things they will like me. Our minds have convinced us that in order to feel loved we have to continue to perform - even into a state of exhaustion. Soon we become resentful because while bending over backwards for everyone else, sooner or later they will let you down. "For crying out loud! I do so much for them, you would think they would show some appreciation!" When we expect everyone in our world to love us back as a return on the investment we made to them, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and disaster.n nThe mind has created this world of illusion to keep us safe at a time when our senses, emotions and intellect were not yet developed. When we were two, we needed this type of protection, but now at thirty-two we can become the director of our movie and change the script, create a new scene and even take on that role that you were always meant to play - your real, vulnerable, loving and powerful self. Living a life without access to this part of yourself will be, in due time, a very depressing experience. Our senses will only offer you temporary pleasure, your emotions will only distract you from the yearning to be yourself for so long until - sooner or later you have to step into this new role. The problem is that the mind has got you convinced that you can't do this. "If you just be yourself and love everyone unconditionally and they don't love you back you will be hurt, devastated, it is way too risky. Just play it safe and stick with what has been working."n nThe mind will use your senses and emotions to distract you. It will use fear to make sure you never cross over and drive this chariot to the true - real and powerful part of yourself. It has convinced you that you are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, tall enough, skinny enough so you better stay put, safely living out a life in the illusion of the mind.n nIn the world of illusion we can only be happy when something good happens, if something bad happens we become un-happy. Our happiness is totally dependent on "what's happening!" The joy of our soul is available to all of us, all the time. It is not dependant on something happening - it is the expression of our true nature -- and by definition, truth never changes. It is the emotions that change, or mood changes but who we really are is all-ways there for us. A flower, for example, doesn't count the number of bees that come nor does it pump up its smell just when you walk by. Its nature, as is ours, is to expand itself no matter if anyone ever loves you back. We think that we will feel better when Mr. Right comes along and loves us, fully making all our dreams come true. The reality is that this kind of love will never satisfy you.n nPlease try this exercise: Take a piece of paper and write a love letter to someone you love fully, completely. Someone you trust with all your heart. Tell them all the ways that you love and appreciate them - really go for it. While writing it know that they will never read this letter - it is for your eyes only. As you write it - become aware of how you feel writing this letter. If possible write that now and then come back and finish this article after you've finished. You will see that as you write this letter you will actually feel loved, feel appreciated, you will feel cared for and even feel important. All the things we so desperately think we need from someone else to make us feel good, we actually experience all by ourselves when we give love freely - without any concern that they will read it and then love you back.n nThis is the game the mind has been playing on us for all these years. To win this game we have to taste the vulnerability of true love by allowing us to love them without the need for any return of investment. "I love you --- but it is no concern of yours" means I now know that what I really seek is to love rather than to be loved.nnTrue Love is Just a Breath AwaynNext time your husband/wife hurts your feelings or irritates you it may be the perfect time to test the water of true love. When hurt, we want them to make up - prove they love us. But maybe we seek permission to love them. So next time he/she leaves the cupboards open, try my One Minute Meditation. Go in the next room, sit comfortably and bellows breathe for 30 seconds, followed by 30 seconds sitting still, both with your eyes closed. A bellows breath is a long, deep and fast nasal breath, using your entire rib cage. This will oxygenate the blood in your brain - disarm your protective nervous system and allow you to reset your access to the truth - which is - you love him/her. Go back, hug and kiss him or her and see how insignificant the cupboard was in a moment of true love.